Title: After the Bombs
Characters: Nexus and many others
Word Count: ~5400
Summary: Nexus' life after the war begins.
Notes: The fic is named after The Decemberists' "After the Bombs," which is on Nexus' FST.
Nexus feels a mixture of hope and excitement surge through zir body as zie runs for the Temple of Nine Swords. Garagos is dead, having lost his power so forcefully that it knocked most of the Adamant Company off their feet; this has to mean that Tempus got his power back.
Inside the Temple, Tempus is still lying in Eldath's arms; he doesn't look any more injured after the wrecking of the temple, but to Nexus' mortal eyes he doesn't look more powerful, either. Then, he moves, rising to his feet with all the ease and power of a greater deity in his place of worship. Nexus freezes, mouth hanging open, as zir world narrows down to the vision of zir god in his full manifestation and glory.
In a swift motion, Tempus kneels so he is on level with Nexus' enlarged height. He says nothing and his face is still hidden by his helm, but he reaches out and lays one hand on Nexus' head. His gauntlet is a heavy but welcome weight, and his touch erases the pain and weariness from Nexus' body as the acidic blood washes away zir wounds. Pride and gratitude swell within zir.
"I'm really happy," Nexus blurts. Zie tries to think of something else to day, but everything else seems like minor details now. Zie manages to get out, "I didn't want you to die."
Tempus nods once, and then he takes Eldath's arm. The movement jolts the rest of the world back into Nexus' awareness and zie kneels hastily, bowing zir thanks to Eldath, and then Reshar as he joins his parents.
As they ascend, zie sees Erazema where she is still standing by Eldath's pool, and that helps break through the mental haze brought on by being surrounded by Tempus and other gods. The human woman is silent, watching the rising gods, and the expression on her face contains envy and sorrow and other things Nexus can't identify.
"You're still here," zie says, still stuck on saying just what is most important and obvious. "Um, where's your army?"
Erazema blinks, seeming to come out of her own preoccupation, and turns to Nexus. "They're still carrying out their orders to take Silverdale, assuming they haven't felt Garagos' demise."
"What? Call them off!" Nexus exclaims, then adds more calmly, "Please. The need for this war is gone. It shouldn't be fought anymore."
Erazema hesitates only a moment, Nexus watching her with silent pleading; then she moves with the decisiveness of a commander. She begins climbing to the roof of the temple.
Nexus doesn't want to leave it at just that, and doesn't know what will happen after she leaves. "We never wanted to be enemies," zie calls after her.
She turns back to the nexi. "No, we never did," she says, then continues climbing.
*
Even with a good chunk of the Silverdale forces being nexi, Vilda is instantly recognizable among the crowd, her brightly colored body still full of life despite being wounded and weary. She launches herself at Nexus immediately, flinging her arms around zir neck and getting lifted off the ground.
"You did it!" she whoops. "I knew you guys would do it."
Nexus keeps lifting her and swings her around a bit, grateful for the feel of her metal and wood after all the painful sensations of battle. "Yes. I really like this hug."
"Just wait till I get you back to my room."
"Oh," Nexus says, reminded by the mention of rooms and sex. "Guess what? Buran isn't having Sid's baby. Luth is having Buran's. I guess they just had sex in Sid's room."
Vilda bursts into laughter, an echo-y version of her human laugh. "Are you serious? Man, no one would have won that betting pool." She is silent for a moment, and then blurts out, "You know who would have loved to know that? Uregaunt. You know, he was way more of a gossip than you'd expect. You know?" Her voice falters at the end, and she squeezes Nexus tighter and buries her face in zir neck. "I miss being able to cry sometimes, Nexus," she says softly.
"Okay. Well, just hug me as hard as you would like to cry."
She does, and Nexus thinks of what Lyson told them all when Levanter returned to Milil's plane. So as Vilda holds zir, hugging instead of crying, zie quietly shares the story of Uregaunt's sacrifice, and she listens.
*
Silverdale is hushed after the death of Garagos and the departure of the avatars; there are still the sounds of people talking, weapons and supplies being moved, and the groans of the wounded, but it's of a different quality than the roar of battle. For that, there is no more need.
That's why the shouts from Obould's soldiers carry over the city, making Nexus rush outside the gap in the fortifications where Erazema's sword destroyed a section of stone. There are only a few dozen orcs outside, a mere handful after the full might of the army brought to bear the day before, but they continue to harry the small contingent of Silverdale clerics retrieving the wounded and dead. Nexus sees the Red Falcon insignia on a few of the clerics’ shields.
Nexus runs up to the orcs, plants zir feet and lowers zir head, and charges the center orc. Several orcs fly backwards a few yards, and the nexi finds use for one more roar: "The war is over! Put your weapons away!" Zie punctuates the point by swinging the flat of Unfettered into the nearest remaining follower of Gruumsh, only hard enough to stun, but also drawing upon zir Crusader power to turn the blow into a burst of healing energy for the Red Falcons.
The display of physical prowess and holy power is enough to discourage the soldiers, who growl and retreat in the direction of Cormanthor Forest. Nexus relaxes and stands over their fallen weapons to offer a prayer to Tempus: the hope that he grows stronger for the end of this war, and a request that he prevent anyone from unnecessarily prolonging it.
When Nexus looks up, the clerics have finished filling their horses and litters with the wounded, and their cart with as many dead bodies as will fit. The number of corpses they have loaded is just a fraction of the ones Nexus can see scattered on the field - there must be hundreds just within zir range of vision, human and nexi and orc and other races all represented. Splattered with mud, blood, vomit, and urine, the bodies are barely identifiable, and it's likely the clerics are carrying soldiers from both sides of the fight.
Nexus asks to take the cart holding the corpses. When zie closes zir hands around the smooth wooden handles and the weight of the bodies strains zir arms, zie feels Tempus laying the consequences of war in zir hands.
This is the aftermath of war, the Crusader thinks to zirself. Remember it.
*
Kanuran and Luth tell Nexus that they don't need zir for anything right now, so zie continues to join the groups bringing in the wounded and dead. It's steady, physical labor; Nexus' body feels strained in a satisfying way without zir needing any more battle.
The repetition of lifting and carrying provides a solid anchor for Nexus as emotions swirl around inside of zir: grief at losing comrades, pride in their sacrifice, relief for the end of the war, shame at zir failures, hope for the rebuilding process. It's as if every emotion Nexus has ever felt rises up in zir mind and heart as zie works, and zie lets zirself feel it as deeply as possible. Drannor is quiet during these hours of work, allowing his student to absorb everything in silence.
After the first couple of hours, the intensity of the experience fades into the monotony of the labor, and Nexus starts thinking of other people's concerns. Zie is currently underwater off Silverdale's shore, bringing up bodies from the battle on the kua-toa front; the group assigned to this task is mostly nexi, since they don't need to use precious cleric resources to breathe in the water. They find several kecuala bodies, floating on the surface or caught amidst wreckage on the lake bed, and Nexus thinks of the kecuala custom of eating the bodies of fallen soldiers, both those of the enemy and their own.
"Let's bring these bodies to Chief Sheshmaya," Nexus suggests, and is pleased when several of the others already know the reason - and are not put off by the notion. Besides the kecuala themselves, the flesh races Nexus has met seem very uncomfortable with it. The only exceptions zie can remember are the gnolls - at least, as Margodah tells it - and Andrea.
"I don't think we should tell the humans what we are doing with them," 385 Lions, one of the survivors of Kanuran's Work Crew, suggests as she hoists a Blackscale.
"Hm. I guess you're right. What about the nexi bodies? Is there somewhere in Ironbloom they're being collected?"
385 Lions tilts her head at Nexus like zie suddenly started speaking Draconic. "They go to Jakob. Don't you know?"
"Oh. I didn't. I really have a lot to catch up on with the community, don't I?"
385 Lions pats zir hand before securing the net holding the bodies. "You'll learn."
*
Nexus takes as many kecuala bodies as zie can carry through the portal, and leaves them with a Twothoughts tribe member at the entrance to the Kecuala Marshes. Zie also asks the kecuala to pass along a message for Sheshmaya: You're right that my concerns take me away from the tribe, but I hope I can still contribute to what is important to you.
Zie then finds Jakob Col, and his cart is full of broken nexi bodies and parts.
"I'm the Collector," he explains to Nexus. "I picked up the bodies of all the nexi who died. They'll be used to make more nexi."
The plan, Nexus thinks, is like that of the kecuala but without digestion. "That's very efficient. Is that what everyone wanted done with their bodies?"
"Most of them. Anyone who didn't want that told me so, and I'll make sure to separate them." Jakob gestures to his cart - Nexus can't see any differences among the wood and metal pieces piled there, but Jakob must have his own organization system. "They'll get buried, or burned, or used for building, whatever the nexi said they wanted."
Nexus is silent for a long moment as the magnitude of this system strikes Nexus. Jakob and whoever helped him must have gotten word to all the nexi in Ironbloom - and maybe even those who traveled abroad, and came back for the war - and talked to them to figure out what they wanted. Nexus had no idea to even ask about this before. Zie also realizes, to zir chagrin, that zie wouldn't be able to recognize the bodies of the nexi who died, or match their names to their parts.
"Wow," is all zie can say for awhile.
Jakob stands patiently, seemingly content to wait for Nexus to keep talking or leave.
Zie is suddenly struck by an idea. "Can I help?"
*
After working through the night on the retrieval of the wounded, Nexus can feel zir mind losing focus with weariness, so zie takes a break to visit the Mulhorandi encampment in the morning. It has been mere hours since Garagos' death; yet, standing in front of the Pharaoh's pavilion, it seems like it has been much longer since zie last saw Erazema Nathandem.
The guards - not those deadly mummy creatures, thankfully - look askance at Nexus and wait for zir to state zir identity. "I'm Nexus of the Adamant Company." But the conversations of the previous evening are fresh in zir mind, and zie adds, "Also of Ironbloom. Oh, and the Twothoughts tribe. I'd like to talk to Erazema."
The guards make no comment, and one of them disappears inside the tent for a minute. She returns and silently holds the tent flap open for Nexus.
As Nexus enters, zie passes by a man headed in the opposite direction, carrying an armful of books and scrolls with a harried look on his face. He looks startled at the sight of Nexus, but hurries without gaping like most people do when they see members of the Adamant Company.
Erazema is standing behind a desk, the chair shoved to one side like it was in the way. She is still bent over and writing on a parchment when Nexus enters, but when she finishes she looks up.
"Nexus of the Adamant Company and Ironbloom and Twothoughts," she says in a quiet, flat voice. "How can I help you?" She doesn’t actually sound like she’s that interested in helping zir.
"I wanted to see you. I ..." Nexus shrugs and says honestly, "I would like to talk to you."
Erazema raises an eyebrow. "That’s it? You wanted to talk to me?"
Nexus shrugs again. "If you don’t have time, I can leave."
The Pharaoh of Mulhorand snorts. She runs a hand through her short-cropped hair; though her helmet is off, her hair looks flat as if it hasn’t been uncovered for very long. "We all have to make time for the Adamant Company, don’t we? Who are we to defy the gods?"
Nexus flinches at the bitterness in her voice. "We’re not gods," zie replies, unable to keep the vehemence out of zir voice. "We’re powerful, that’s all. We fight for what we believe in, and we tried to make sure that we fought for good reasons that our allies could agree with." Zie shakes zir head. "I really can leave if you want. I didn’t come here to antagonize you."
Erazema looks at zir steadily for a long moment, and then her demeanor shifts as she sighs. Some of the tension leaves her stance, and she lowers herself into her chair. "I’m sorry. Sit down." She gestures at another chair, then reaches for a tray with a teapot and cups on it. "Do you want some tea? It’s probably cold by now. Do you even drink?"
"I can if it’s important." Erazema frowns suspiciously like she’s trying to figure out if Nexus is mocking her, so zie explains, "I don’t need to eat or drink, but it’s important for people at certain times. So I ate at Queen Amlaruil’s banquet because she held it for us, and I ate some dead kecuala because they don’t like to waste the bodies after war."
The frown lasts a moment longer, then clears as she shrugs. "Huh. Okay." To Nexus’ pleasure, she doesn’t seem bothered by the kecuala-eating. "Well, don’t worry about it; the tea isn’t important." She pours some for herself and drinks it down in a long swallow, then rests her elbows on the desk and leans forward. "So?"
"So ..." The nexi thinks about what zie wanted to tell her, then says it all. "I think you’re a really admirable person and you have the power and beliefs to change the world for the better, and I want to help you do that."
Erazema stares at Nexus. "You don’t - you don’t know me," she balks.
Zie shrugs. "I don’t really know a lot of people I’ve met. I just know their stories. And even if I don’t know everything about how they did what they did, or how they felt, I know that they’ve done amazing things. Like Chaloma Meril - do you know who she is?" When Erazema frowns and shakes her head, zie explains, "She’s a former krinth slave who spent years helping other slaves escape from the floating Netherese city, just using her own skills of invention - she also built the engine that Froley used to shoot himself into Garagos. I haven’t met her any more times than I’ve met you, though."
"So I’m like this Chaloma?" Erazema asks, skepticism heavy in her voice. "Granting freedom to slaves ... except I sent mine straight into the arms of Garagos." She’s not really looking at Nexus for a moment, even though her gaze is still on zir; then her focus returns. "What do you want from me, Nexus? To talk to me, you said - then what?"
"I just want to help, and be around you, and learn from you ... I want to make the world better, so I want to work with people who do that too."
"I ... " The pharaoh shakes her head and makes a sound like a laugh. It’s not a particularly amused sound, but it’s not mean, either; it’s sort of sad. "What do you think you can do to help me?"
"Anything," zie says. "I’m best at fighting, but I’m also good at talking. I have friends, or at least people I can negotiate with, who can do a lot of things. I got Sothiliss to agree to join us because of Lyaera’s connection to Evermeet and Kanuran’s connection to Ironbloom and Buran’s connection to Waterdeep. If there’s something else you need that I’m not good at, well, I can at least try."
*
Erazema’s comment about the Adamant Company being gods, however fueled by spite, sticks in Nexus’ mind, and zie asks Kanuran about when and where the post-war negotiations are taking place. As a representative of Ironbloom, an economically noteworthy, if small, player in the game, Nexus is welcome. Or maybe Erazema is right, and people feel pressure not say ‘no’ to a member of the Adamant Company. Zie isn’t sure how to tell the difference yet.
Nexus tries to figure out how zie can help, but many of the people at these meetings know more about trade routes and the costs of rebuilding and other factors that are important in economic and political bargaining. Zie can support Kanuran in representing Ironbloom, or agree or disagree to propositions when he isn’t present, but beyond that, the negotiations are a bit more than the nexi can follow. Nexus relies on Kanuran, Buran, and others that zie knows zie can trust. Zie also watches Erazema, since Mulhorand is the nation from the defeated side that is at the most disadvantage; Sembia is now led by Miklos, who has plenty of positive influence, and Sothiliss points out that he switched sides voluntarily, rather than being beaten, and is not indebted to anyone for his nation’s survival. So Nexus tries to see when Erazema looks angry at a proposal, or when she merely grimaces and nods, as an indication of how to act fairly.
The most effect Nexus seems to have is when zie asks for leave to speak freely and talks about the purpose of war, and how to honor the god of war they fought for. War was their tool for defending against Garagos’ threat, and their purpose now that the war is over should be to build a strong peace, rather than taking vengeance against the other side or trying to use the opportunity to increase their wealth. Not all of the faces in the room are friendly after Nexus speaks, but some people seem to change their approach a little. Zie also tries to speak with members from all the groups and nations that contributed to the war, and thank them for their efforts and sacrifices, having been forcibly reminded of the cost of their contributions during the clean-up efforts. This doesn’t have much of a practical effect on the negotiations, but it makes Nexus feel better, and some of the delegates look happy for it.
More often than not, though, Nexus finds the process tedious and frustrating, and sometimes just boring. Zie is happy each day when the meetings end, and zie can get back to Ironbloom.
*
Nexus feels the first threat to zir hope for the world after the war when zie finds out that Bjorn Ironheart has left Silverdale.
"But where’s he going?" zie asks, when Sid tells zir.
"I don’t know, Nexus. He and Calliope left together. I don’t think they have a real destination, they just need to get away from here. Silverdale is ... a painful place for them to be right now."
"Oh, I see," Nexus says, feeling chagrin. Murander was not zir close friend, just a comrade zie respected very much, and zie grieves for his death; if zie increased that grief in accordance with Bjorn’s and Calliope’s feelings for the man ... they should be nothing short of broken right now. And Silverdale is a place closely tied to both Murander and their lives with him. Nexus doesn’t have an equivalent relationship with a physical place, not even Ironbloom. Zie shakes zir head; there is a lot that Nexus’ short lifetime still prevents zir from knowing.
"Thanks, Sid. Good luck taking care of them," zie says, remembering Murander’s will.
The dwarf’s face is worried and sad as he leaves. "Thank you, Nexus. I think I’ll need it."
Despite the realization the nexi came to, though, zir thoughts don’t linger on Murander’s lover and friend, but turn to the Reforged Temple of Nine. The school quite literally saved Tempus by acting as his physical and spiritual haven when he fell to the plane, the one place where his surviving followers were strongest. Nexus sees it as a holy site not only for him, but also for Eldath and Reshar, all three of them deities who oppose what Garagos stood for. Just as Tempus requires that society be rebuilt in the aftermath of war, Nexus thinks he would also want them to fully dismantle Garagos’ harmful influence. Zie thought that the Temple would act as a place for people to gather for that, as a - well, nexus - for that aspect of the rebuilding.
Certainly Kanuran’s architectural skill will help preserve the physical site, but the faith that will strengthen Tempus, and help teach Faerun a form of war that will create instead of destroy - that will have to come from the worshippers who come to the school to learn and teach the Sublime Way.
Drannor nods, listening in on Nexus’ thoughts. "I agree, the Temple needs students who will respect Tempus’ and Reshar’s version of war. There are many who will fear war after seeing this devastation, but some who will see it as a reason to become better stewards of war, and pursue paths like the Sublime Way."
Nexus nods, adding, "And maybe those people who are afraid of war will learn from the students, so they don’t avoid war just because they’re scared of it and end up making things worse."
"You are a master of the Stone Dragon school, and the wielder of its sword. And more importantly, Nexus, I think you have the hope the students will need. Why don’t you teach them?"
The Eternal Blade regards Drannor, and feels zir fear begin to ease. "Okay. Why not?"
*
Between the negotiations and the cleanup of the bodies and the rebuilding of the Reforged Temple of Nine, Nexus only spends a few hours at a time in Ironbloom over the next several days. Every time zie returns, the city seems to be a bit bigger and a bit taller, as her population continues developing its architecture and expanding its borders. Though many nexi are helping with the reconstruction efforts in Silverdale, they move back and forth from the city with ease due to Kanuran’s portal.
More importantly, they don’t seem as still as the other races. All around Nexus, the humans and elves and hobgoblins pause to mourn, to pray, to reflect, or to record history. It’s not that they don’t get as much done as the nexi, but rather that they seem to mark everything with more solemnity than the nexi do. Nexus listens to the nexi’s conversations, and how they casually move from the topic of Silverdale’s devastation to the creative plans for Ironbloom’s future. The nexi were born into this war, zie realizes - death and upheaval are just a fact of life, and they seem to accept it with even more ease than Nexus, Tempus’ Crusader, does.
Jakob Col, too, is different from the clerics who gather the bodies of the other races; he looks upon his growing pile of nexi body parts with the same respect and mourning, but also a discernable pride. The pile grows larger each time Nexus sees it, until finally, almost two tendays after the end of the war, the Collector says, "I think that’s everyone."
The nexi carry Jakob’s collection to the temple, to be spread out across the roof. Nexus doesn’t recognize any of the parts zie carries, and wonders if any of the others do. But zie lays the pieces down with care, as if each one comes from a friend.
Once the entire collection has been transported, they start gathering other people. Nexus invites all the non-nexi people zie can think of - the mayors, the rest of the Adamant Company, and scattered allies from the war who visit via the Silverdale portal. Erazema comes, too - when Nexus invited her, she automatically declined, but then she stopped and looked thoughtful for a long while before saying yes.
As nexi and humans and dwarves and elves and others mingle, on the roof of the temple and on the ground below, Nexus hears lighthearted voices and even laughter. It’s the first time zie can remember hearing so much laughing in one place since Garagos’ death, and when zie comments on this to Vilda, she shrugs and says, "Even though we’re sitting around a bunch of corpses, this is one of the cheeriest things that’s happened since Garagos. Nothing’s gonna stop me from laughing."
Eventually, it seems like everyone who will come has arrived, and Nexus steps up to the edge of the roof. Zie waves down to the crowd around and below zir, and turns on the sound-enhancing tool Vilda created for this occasion.
"Hi, everyone," zie says, hearing zir own voice grow louder and echo out to the crowd. "Thanks for coming to see the nexi who died in the war. Jakob gathered everyone’s bodies and pieces together so that more nexi could be born into them, and when he told me I got an idea. The nexi are all born knowing who I am, but they don’t really know that much about me until we actually talk. And I don’t know anything about them unless we meet. And that’s actually true for me with a lot of you whom I met because of this war. I know your names and where you’re from and maybe what you’re good at, and we fought on the same side, but I don’t actually know who you are. So I would like us to share stories about ourselves, like our happiest memories. That might cause new nexi to be born -" Nexus shrugs, "- we’re still figuring out how it works. But if they are born, they’ll have a lot of personalities and memories to imprint from." Recalling zir earlier realization, zie adds, "Oh, and also, all of the previous nexi were born amidst war, but maybe if we share our happy memories we’ll have lots of nexi who are born amidst happiness."
Nexus can think of dozens of stories zie wants to share - zie has nearly ten years of memories - but zie starts with just one. "I saw Tempus when he woke up, and he ... well, he didn’t say anything, but he patted me on the head. I don’t think there’s anything that he could have said that would have been better than that. I felt like he was proud of me, and I got to do everything I wanted to for him, and I’m just glad to be alive so I could experience that."
Nexus holds up the amplifying tool for the next person to share, and Vilda waves her hand in the air. When she talks, her stories are mostly about inventions zie doesn’t understand, and some zie never heard about before, but zie takes pleasure in watching her. It’s always fun seeing her when she’s really fired up about something, even when she gets kind of scary; at least it’s exciting.
Drannor joins in by manifesting himself into a visible form, a mischievous smile playing at his lips. "Being introduced at the court in Evermeet as Nexus’ blade guide. It shook up the assumptions of quite a few stodgy old elves to realize that the first student I chose in many years was not an elf." He chuckles to himself before continuing, "However ancient the elves may be - and however ancient the nexi may someday become - it is important to recognize when rules and traditions have outlived their usefulness, and when it might be for the best to change them or leave them behind."
Everyone pays attention to the speakers, but when Jhaer takes her turn, all eyes turn to her with a rapt focus. She describes Luth’s proposal to her in exquisite detail, sitting with her back straight and her lilting voice carrying clearly over the crowd, while beside her Luth hunches down and covers his face with his hands. "He expressed his love in written word, and in song, and in a vision of beauty. And also," she says, gently disengaging one of Luth’s hands and twining her fingers with his, "my shy Luth was so courageous to do all of this just for me."
When Erazema receives the amplifier, she clears her throat and pauses before speaking. "I remember the looks on everyone’s faces when I revealed that I was a slave in front of the Pharaoh," she begins. "There was a lot of shock, and just plain anger, but also I remember seeing ... pride. Fellow slaves, or people who had supported freeing the slaves, recognized the victory I achieved by showing the nation what people who were normally treated as property could accomplish. By shaking up their assumptions," she says, nodding briefly at Drannor. "And the women who stood in the room, whether they were slaves or members of the court, were proud that I represented them as well. I know ... I know, now, that the forces behind my victory that day were not all who I thought they were, that they were tainted by Garagos and Shar. But that pride I saw ... I still hold on to that."
When she is finished talking, Erazema looks down, not meeting anyone’s eyes. Nexus thinks she would like the attention to move away from her, so zie turns to see who wants to share their story next, and comes face to face with Sergeant Pike’s body.
"Hello," zie says to the new nexi. "You look like Sergeant Pike. Do you know who that is?"
The new nexi tilts zir head. "Yes, I know Sergeant Pike, and I know you, Nexus. And I remember how Sergeant Pike knew the Nexus." Zie takes Nexus’ hand and holds it tight.
It’s not really a handshake, so Nexus isn’t sure what to do, but lets the new nexi keep gripping zir hand. "What’s your name?"
"I am Constancy. I will remember Sergeant Pike, as all of the Risen who are born today will remember our predecessors." There are, in fact, dozens and maybe even hundreds of nexi bodies who begin to move, standing up and starting to look around.
The sight makes Nexus think about the lives that ended to lead to this point, but just as strongly to think of the lives that are beginning. They are the cost of war, but also its reward, and Nexus would not be able to say how much of zir is happy, and how much is sad. But zie does know that, together, those two feelings encompass all of zirself.
Nexus’ hand is tight on Constancy’s own, and zie thinks that maybe zie is holding onto it as hard as zie would like to cry.
"Hello, Constancy," Nexus says. "It’s very nice to meet you."
Characters: Nexus and many others
Word Count: ~5400
Summary: Nexus' life after the war begins.
Notes: The fic is named after The Decemberists' "After the Bombs," which is on Nexus' FST.
Nexus feels a mixture of hope and excitement surge through zir body as zie runs for the Temple of Nine Swords. Garagos is dead, having lost his power so forcefully that it knocked most of the Adamant Company off their feet; this has to mean that Tempus got his power back.
Inside the Temple, Tempus is still lying in Eldath's arms; he doesn't look any more injured after the wrecking of the temple, but to Nexus' mortal eyes he doesn't look more powerful, either. Then, he moves, rising to his feet with all the ease and power of a greater deity in his place of worship. Nexus freezes, mouth hanging open, as zir world narrows down to the vision of zir god in his full manifestation and glory.
In a swift motion, Tempus kneels so he is on level with Nexus' enlarged height. He says nothing and his face is still hidden by his helm, but he reaches out and lays one hand on Nexus' head. His gauntlet is a heavy but welcome weight, and his touch erases the pain and weariness from Nexus' body as the acidic blood washes away zir wounds. Pride and gratitude swell within zir.
"I'm really happy," Nexus blurts. Zie tries to think of something else to day, but everything else seems like minor details now. Zie manages to get out, "I didn't want you to die."
Tempus nods once, and then he takes Eldath's arm. The movement jolts the rest of the world back into Nexus' awareness and zie kneels hastily, bowing zir thanks to Eldath, and then Reshar as he joins his parents.
As they ascend, zie sees Erazema where she is still standing by Eldath's pool, and that helps break through the mental haze brought on by being surrounded by Tempus and other gods. The human woman is silent, watching the rising gods, and the expression on her face contains envy and sorrow and other things Nexus can't identify.
"You're still here," zie says, still stuck on saying just what is most important and obvious. "Um, where's your army?"
Erazema blinks, seeming to come out of her own preoccupation, and turns to Nexus. "They're still carrying out their orders to take Silverdale, assuming they haven't felt Garagos' demise."
"What? Call them off!" Nexus exclaims, then adds more calmly, "Please. The need for this war is gone. It shouldn't be fought anymore."
Erazema hesitates only a moment, Nexus watching her with silent pleading; then she moves with the decisiveness of a commander. She begins climbing to the roof of the temple.
Nexus doesn't want to leave it at just that, and doesn't know what will happen after she leaves. "We never wanted to be enemies," zie calls after her.
She turns back to the nexi. "No, we never did," she says, then continues climbing.
*
Even with a good chunk of the Silverdale forces being nexi, Vilda is instantly recognizable among the crowd, her brightly colored body still full of life despite being wounded and weary. She launches herself at Nexus immediately, flinging her arms around zir neck and getting lifted off the ground.
"You did it!" she whoops. "I knew you guys would do it."
Nexus keeps lifting her and swings her around a bit, grateful for the feel of her metal and wood after all the painful sensations of battle. "Yes. I really like this hug."
"Just wait till I get you back to my room."
"Oh," Nexus says, reminded by the mention of rooms and sex. "Guess what? Buran isn't having Sid's baby. Luth is having Buran's. I guess they just had sex in Sid's room."
Vilda bursts into laughter, an echo-y version of her human laugh. "Are you serious? Man, no one would have won that betting pool." She is silent for a moment, and then blurts out, "You know who would have loved to know that? Uregaunt. You know, he was way more of a gossip than you'd expect. You know?" Her voice falters at the end, and she squeezes Nexus tighter and buries her face in zir neck. "I miss being able to cry sometimes, Nexus," she says softly.
"Okay. Well, just hug me as hard as you would like to cry."
She does, and Nexus thinks of what Lyson told them all when Levanter returned to Milil's plane. So as Vilda holds zir, hugging instead of crying, zie quietly shares the story of Uregaunt's sacrifice, and she listens.
*
Silverdale is hushed after the death of Garagos and the departure of the avatars; there are still the sounds of people talking, weapons and supplies being moved, and the groans of the wounded, but it's of a different quality than the roar of battle. For that, there is no more need.
That's why the shouts from Obould's soldiers carry over the city, making Nexus rush outside the gap in the fortifications where Erazema's sword destroyed a section of stone. There are only a few dozen orcs outside, a mere handful after the full might of the army brought to bear the day before, but they continue to harry the small contingent of Silverdale clerics retrieving the wounded and dead. Nexus sees the Red Falcon insignia on a few of the clerics’ shields.
Nexus runs up to the orcs, plants zir feet and lowers zir head, and charges the center orc. Several orcs fly backwards a few yards, and the nexi finds use for one more roar: "The war is over! Put your weapons away!" Zie punctuates the point by swinging the flat of Unfettered into the nearest remaining follower of Gruumsh, only hard enough to stun, but also drawing upon zir Crusader power to turn the blow into a burst of healing energy for the Red Falcons.
The display of physical prowess and holy power is enough to discourage the soldiers, who growl and retreat in the direction of Cormanthor Forest. Nexus relaxes and stands over their fallen weapons to offer a prayer to Tempus: the hope that he grows stronger for the end of this war, and a request that he prevent anyone from unnecessarily prolonging it.
When Nexus looks up, the clerics have finished filling their horses and litters with the wounded, and their cart with as many dead bodies as will fit. The number of corpses they have loaded is just a fraction of the ones Nexus can see scattered on the field - there must be hundreds just within zir range of vision, human and nexi and orc and other races all represented. Splattered with mud, blood, vomit, and urine, the bodies are barely identifiable, and it's likely the clerics are carrying soldiers from both sides of the fight.
Nexus asks to take the cart holding the corpses. When zie closes zir hands around the smooth wooden handles and the weight of the bodies strains zir arms, zie feels Tempus laying the consequences of war in zir hands.
This is the aftermath of war, the Crusader thinks to zirself. Remember it.
*
Kanuran and Luth tell Nexus that they don't need zir for anything right now, so zie continues to join the groups bringing in the wounded and dead. It's steady, physical labor; Nexus' body feels strained in a satisfying way without zir needing any more battle.
The repetition of lifting and carrying provides a solid anchor for Nexus as emotions swirl around inside of zir: grief at losing comrades, pride in their sacrifice, relief for the end of the war, shame at zir failures, hope for the rebuilding process. It's as if every emotion Nexus has ever felt rises up in zir mind and heart as zie works, and zie lets zirself feel it as deeply as possible. Drannor is quiet during these hours of work, allowing his student to absorb everything in silence.
After the first couple of hours, the intensity of the experience fades into the monotony of the labor, and Nexus starts thinking of other people's concerns. Zie is currently underwater off Silverdale's shore, bringing up bodies from the battle on the kua-toa front; the group assigned to this task is mostly nexi, since they don't need to use precious cleric resources to breathe in the water. They find several kecuala bodies, floating on the surface or caught amidst wreckage on the lake bed, and Nexus thinks of the kecuala custom of eating the bodies of fallen soldiers, both those of the enemy and their own.
"Let's bring these bodies to Chief Sheshmaya," Nexus suggests, and is pleased when several of the others already know the reason - and are not put off by the notion. Besides the kecuala themselves, the flesh races Nexus has met seem very uncomfortable with it. The only exceptions zie can remember are the gnolls - at least, as Margodah tells it - and Andrea.
"I don't think we should tell the humans what we are doing with them," 385 Lions, one of the survivors of Kanuran's Work Crew, suggests as she hoists a Blackscale.
"Hm. I guess you're right. What about the nexi bodies? Is there somewhere in Ironbloom they're being collected?"
385 Lions tilts her head at Nexus like zie suddenly started speaking Draconic. "They go to Jakob. Don't you know?"
"Oh. I didn't. I really have a lot to catch up on with the community, don't I?"
385 Lions pats zir hand before securing the net holding the bodies. "You'll learn."
*
Nexus takes as many kecuala bodies as zie can carry through the portal, and leaves them with a Twothoughts tribe member at the entrance to the Kecuala Marshes. Zie also asks the kecuala to pass along a message for Sheshmaya: You're right that my concerns take me away from the tribe, but I hope I can still contribute to what is important to you.
Zie then finds Jakob Col, and his cart is full of broken nexi bodies and parts.
"I'm the Collector," he explains to Nexus. "I picked up the bodies of all the nexi who died. They'll be used to make more nexi."
The plan, Nexus thinks, is like that of the kecuala but without digestion. "That's very efficient. Is that what everyone wanted done with their bodies?"
"Most of them. Anyone who didn't want that told me so, and I'll make sure to separate them." Jakob gestures to his cart - Nexus can't see any differences among the wood and metal pieces piled there, but Jakob must have his own organization system. "They'll get buried, or burned, or used for building, whatever the nexi said they wanted."
Nexus is silent for a long moment as the magnitude of this system strikes Nexus. Jakob and whoever helped him must have gotten word to all the nexi in Ironbloom - and maybe even those who traveled abroad, and came back for the war - and talked to them to figure out what they wanted. Nexus had no idea to even ask about this before. Zie also realizes, to zir chagrin, that zie wouldn't be able to recognize the bodies of the nexi who died, or match their names to their parts.
"Wow," is all zie can say for awhile.
Jakob stands patiently, seemingly content to wait for Nexus to keep talking or leave.
Zie is suddenly struck by an idea. "Can I help?"
*
After working through the night on the retrieval of the wounded, Nexus can feel zir mind losing focus with weariness, so zie takes a break to visit the Mulhorandi encampment in the morning. It has been mere hours since Garagos' death; yet, standing in front of the Pharaoh's pavilion, it seems like it has been much longer since zie last saw Erazema Nathandem.
The guards - not those deadly mummy creatures, thankfully - look askance at Nexus and wait for zir to state zir identity. "I'm Nexus of the Adamant Company." But the conversations of the previous evening are fresh in zir mind, and zie adds, "Also of Ironbloom. Oh, and the Twothoughts tribe. I'd like to talk to Erazema."
The guards make no comment, and one of them disappears inside the tent for a minute. She returns and silently holds the tent flap open for Nexus.
As Nexus enters, zie passes by a man headed in the opposite direction, carrying an armful of books and scrolls with a harried look on his face. He looks startled at the sight of Nexus, but hurries without gaping like most people do when they see members of the Adamant Company.
Erazema is standing behind a desk, the chair shoved to one side like it was in the way. She is still bent over and writing on a parchment when Nexus enters, but when she finishes she looks up.
"Nexus of the Adamant Company and Ironbloom and Twothoughts," she says in a quiet, flat voice. "How can I help you?" She doesn’t actually sound like she’s that interested in helping zir.
"I wanted to see you. I ..." Nexus shrugs and says honestly, "I would like to talk to you."
Erazema raises an eyebrow. "That’s it? You wanted to talk to me?"
Nexus shrugs again. "If you don’t have time, I can leave."
The Pharaoh of Mulhorand snorts. She runs a hand through her short-cropped hair; though her helmet is off, her hair looks flat as if it hasn’t been uncovered for very long. "We all have to make time for the Adamant Company, don’t we? Who are we to defy the gods?"
Nexus flinches at the bitterness in her voice. "We’re not gods," zie replies, unable to keep the vehemence out of zir voice. "We’re powerful, that’s all. We fight for what we believe in, and we tried to make sure that we fought for good reasons that our allies could agree with." Zie shakes zir head. "I really can leave if you want. I didn’t come here to antagonize you."
Erazema looks at zir steadily for a long moment, and then her demeanor shifts as she sighs. Some of the tension leaves her stance, and she lowers herself into her chair. "I’m sorry. Sit down." She gestures at another chair, then reaches for a tray with a teapot and cups on it. "Do you want some tea? It’s probably cold by now. Do you even drink?"
"I can if it’s important." Erazema frowns suspiciously like she’s trying to figure out if Nexus is mocking her, so zie explains, "I don’t need to eat or drink, but it’s important for people at certain times. So I ate at Queen Amlaruil’s banquet because she held it for us, and I ate some dead kecuala because they don’t like to waste the bodies after war."
The frown lasts a moment longer, then clears as she shrugs. "Huh. Okay." To Nexus’ pleasure, she doesn’t seem bothered by the kecuala-eating. "Well, don’t worry about it; the tea isn’t important." She pours some for herself and drinks it down in a long swallow, then rests her elbows on the desk and leans forward. "So?"
"So ..." The nexi thinks about what zie wanted to tell her, then says it all. "I think you’re a really admirable person and you have the power and beliefs to change the world for the better, and I want to help you do that."
Erazema stares at Nexus. "You don’t - you don’t know me," she balks.
Zie shrugs. "I don’t really know a lot of people I’ve met. I just know their stories. And even if I don’t know everything about how they did what they did, or how they felt, I know that they’ve done amazing things. Like Chaloma Meril - do you know who she is?" When Erazema frowns and shakes her head, zie explains, "She’s a former krinth slave who spent years helping other slaves escape from the floating Netherese city, just using her own skills of invention - she also built the engine that Froley used to shoot himself into Garagos. I haven’t met her any more times than I’ve met you, though."
"So I’m like this Chaloma?" Erazema asks, skepticism heavy in her voice. "Granting freedom to slaves ... except I sent mine straight into the arms of Garagos." She’s not really looking at Nexus for a moment, even though her gaze is still on zir; then her focus returns. "What do you want from me, Nexus? To talk to me, you said - then what?"
"I just want to help, and be around you, and learn from you ... I want to make the world better, so I want to work with people who do that too."
"I ... " The pharaoh shakes her head and makes a sound like a laugh. It’s not a particularly amused sound, but it’s not mean, either; it’s sort of sad. "What do you think you can do to help me?"
"Anything," zie says. "I’m best at fighting, but I’m also good at talking. I have friends, or at least people I can negotiate with, who can do a lot of things. I got Sothiliss to agree to join us because of Lyaera’s connection to Evermeet and Kanuran’s connection to Ironbloom and Buran’s connection to Waterdeep. If there’s something else you need that I’m not good at, well, I can at least try."
*
Erazema’s comment about the Adamant Company being gods, however fueled by spite, sticks in Nexus’ mind, and zie asks Kanuran about when and where the post-war negotiations are taking place. As a representative of Ironbloom, an economically noteworthy, if small, player in the game, Nexus is welcome. Or maybe Erazema is right, and people feel pressure not say ‘no’ to a member of the Adamant Company. Zie isn’t sure how to tell the difference yet.
Nexus tries to figure out how zie can help, but many of the people at these meetings know more about trade routes and the costs of rebuilding and other factors that are important in economic and political bargaining. Zie can support Kanuran in representing Ironbloom, or agree or disagree to propositions when he isn’t present, but beyond that, the negotiations are a bit more than the nexi can follow. Nexus relies on Kanuran, Buran, and others that zie knows zie can trust. Zie also watches Erazema, since Mulhorand is the nation from the defeated side that is at the most disadvantage; Sembia is now led by Miklos, who has plenty of positive influence, and Sothiliss points out that he switched sides voluntarily, rather than being beaten, and is not indebted to anyone for his nation’s survival. So Nexus tries to see when Erazema looks angry at a proposal, or when she merely grimaces and nods, as an indication of how to act fairly.
The most effect Nexus seems to have is when zie asks for leave to speak freely and talks about the purpose of war, and how to honor the god of war they fought for. War was their tool for defending against Garagos’ threat, and their purpose now that the war is over should be to build a strong peace, rather than taking vengeance against the other side or trying to use the opportunity to increase their wealth. Not all of the faces in the room are friendly after Nexus speaks, but some people seem to change their approach a little. Zie also tries to speak with members from all the groups and nations that contributed to the war, and thank them for their efforts and sacrifices, having been forcibly reminded of the cost of their contributions during the clean-up efforts. This doesn’t have much of a practical effect on the negotiations, but it makes Nexus feel better, and some of the delegates look happy for it.
More often than not, though, Nexus finds the process tedious and frustrating, and sometimes just boring. Zie is happy each day when the meetings end, and zie can get back to Ironbloom.
*
Nexus feels the first threat to zir hope for the world after the war when zie finds out that Bjorn Ironheart has left Silverdale.
"But where’s he going?" zie asks, when Sid tells zir.
"I don’t know, Nexus. He and Calliope left together. I don’t think they have a real destination, they just need to get away from here. Silverdale is ... a painful place for them to be right now."
"Oh, I see," Nexus says, feeling chagrin. Murander was not zir close friend, just a comrade zie respected very much, and zie grieves for his death; if zie increased that grief in accordance with Bjorn’s and Calliope’s feelings for the man ... they should be nothing short of broken right now. And Silverdale is a place closely tied to both Murander and their lives with him. Nexus doesn’t have an equivalent relationship with a physical place, not even Ironbloom. Zie shakes zir head; there is a lot that Nexus’ short lifetime still prevents zir from knowing.
"Thanks, Sid. Good luck taking care of them," zie says, remembering Murander’s will.
The dwarf’s face is worried and sad as he leaves. "Thank you, Nexus. I think I’ll need it."
Despite the realization the nexi came to, though, zir thoughts don’t linger on Murander’s lover and friend, but turn to the Reforged Temple of Nine. The school quite literally saved Tempus by acting as his physical and spiritual haven when he fell to the plane, the one place where his surviving followers were strongest. Nexus sees it as a holy site not only for him, but also for Eldath and Reshar, all three of them deities who oppose what Garagos stood for. Just as Tempus requires that society be rebuilt in the aftermath of war, Nexus thinks he would also want them to fully dismantle Garagos’ harmful influence. Zie thought that the Temple would act as a place for people to gather for that, as a - well, nexus - for that aspect of the rebuilding.
Certainly Kanuran’s architectural skill will help preserve the physical site, but the faith that will strengthen Tempus, and help teach Faerun a form of war that will create instead of destroy - that will have to come from the worshippers who come to the school to learn and teach the Sublime Way.
Drannor nods, listening in on Nexus’ thoughts. "I agree, the Temple needs students who will respect Tempus’ and Reshar’s version of war. There are many who will fear war after seeing this devastation, but some who will see it as a reason to become better stewards of war, and pursue paths like the Sublime Way."
Nexus nods, adding, "And maybe those people who are afraid of war will learn from the students, so they don’t avoid war just because they’re scared of it and end up making things worse."
"You are a master of the Stone Dragon school, and the wielder of its sword. And more importantly, Nexus, I think you have the hope the students will need. Why don’t you teach them?"
The Eternal Blade regards Drannor, and feels zir fear begin to ease. "Okay. Why not?"
*
Between the negotiations and the cleanup of the bodies and the rebuilding of the Reforged Temple of Nine, Nexus only spends a few hours at a time in Ironbloom over the next several days. Every time zie returns, the city seems to be a bit bigger and a bit taller, as her population continues developing its architecture and expanding its borders. Though many nexi are helping with the reconstruction efforts in Silverdale, they move back and forth from the city with ease due to Kanuran’s portal.
More importantly, they don’t seem as still as the other races. All around Nexus, the humans and elves and hobgoblins pause to mourn, to pray, to reflect, or to record history. It’s not that they don’t get as much done as the nexi, but rather that they seem to mark everything with more solemnity than the nexi do. Nexus listens to the nexi’s conversations, and how they casually move from the topic of Silverdale’s devastation to the creative plans for Ironbloom’s future. The nexi were born into this war, zie realizes - death and upheaval are just a fact of life, and they seem to accept it with even more ease than Nexus, Tempus’ Crusader, does.
Jakob Col, too, is different from the clerics who gather the bodies of the other races; he looks upon his growing pile of nexi body parts with the same respect and mourning, but also a discernable pride. The pile grows larger each time Nexus sees it, until finally, almost two tendays after the end of the war, the Collector says, "I think that’s everyone."
The nexi carry Jakob’s collection to the temple, to be spread out across the roof. Nexus doesn’t recognize any of the parts zie carries, and wonders if any of the others do. But zie lays the pieces down with care, as if each one comes from a friend.
Once the entire collection has been transported, they start gathering other people. Nexus invites all the non-nexi people zie can think of - the mayors, the rest of the Adamant Company, and scattered allies from the war who visit via the Silverdale portal. Erazema comes, too - when Nexus invited her, she automatically declined, but then she stopped and looked thoughtful for a long while before saying yes.
As nexi and humans and dwarves and elves and others mingle, on the roof of the temple and on the ground below, Nexus hears lighthearted voices and even laughter. It’s the first time zie can remember hearing so much laughing in one place since Garagos’ death, and when zie comments on this to Vilda, she shrugs and says, "Even though we’re sitting around a bunch of corpses, this is one of the cheeriest things that’s happened since Garagos. Nothing’s gonna stop me from laughing."
Eventually, it seems like everyone who will come has arrived, and Nexus steps up to the edge of the roof. Zie waves down to the crowd around and below zir, and turns on the sound-enhancing tool Vilda created for this occasion.
"Hi, everyone," zie says, hearing zir own voice grow louder and echo out to the crowd. "Thanks for coming to see the nexi who died in the war. Jakob gathered everyone’s bodies and pieces together so that more nexi could be born into them, and when he told me I got an idea. The nexi are all born knowing who I am, but they don’t really know that much about me until we actually talk. And I don’t know anything about them unless we meet. And that’s actually true for me with a lot of you whom I met because of this war. I know your names and where you’re from and maybe what you’re good at, and we fought on the same side, but I don’t actually know who you are. So I would like us to share stories about ourselves, like our happiest memories. That might cause new nexi to be born -" Nexus shrugs, "- we’re still figuring out how it works. But if they are born, they’ll have a lot of personalities and memories to imprint from." Recalling zir earlier realization, zie adds, "Oh, and also, all of the previous nexi were born amidst war, but maybe if we share our happy memories we’ll have lots of nexi who are born amidst happiness."
Nexus can think of dozens of stories zie wants to share - zie has nearly ten years of memories - but zie starts with just one. "I saw Tempus when he woke up, and he ... well, he didn’t say anything, but he patted me on the head. I don’t think there’s anything that he could have said that would have been better than that. I felt like he was proud of me, and I got to do everything I wanted to for him, and I’m just glad to be alive so I could experience that."
Nexus holds up the amplifying tool for the next person to share, and Vilda waves her hand in the air. When she talks, her stories are mostly about inventions zie doesn’t understand, and some zie never heard about before, but zie takes pleasure in watching her. It’s always fun seeing her when she’s really fired up about something, even when she gets kind of scary; at least it’s exciting.
Drannor joins in by manifesting himself into a visible form, a mischievous smile playing at his lips. "Being introduced at the court in Evermeet as Nexus’ blade guide. It shook up the assumptions of quite a few stodgy old elves to realize that the first student I chose in many years was not an elf." He chuckles to himself before continuing, "However ancient the elves may be - and however ancient the nexi may someday become - it is important to recognize when rules and traditions have outlived their usefulness, and when it might be for the best to change them or leave them behind."
Everyone pays attention to the speakers, but when Jhaer takes her turn, all eyes turn to her with a rapt focus. She describes Luth’s proposal to her in exquisite detail, sitting with her back straight and her lilting voice carrying clearly over the crowd, while beside her Luth hunches down and covers his face with his hands. "He expressed his love in written word, and in song, and in a vision of beauty. And also," she says, gently disengaging one of Luth’s hands and twining her fingers with his, "my shy Luth was so courageous to do all of this just for me."
When Erazema receives the amplifier, she clears her throat and pauses before speaking. "I remember the looks on everyone’s faces when I revealed that I was a slave in front of the Pharaoh," she begins. "There was a lot of shock, and just plain anger, but also I remember seeing ... pride. Fellow slaves, or people who had supported freeing the slaves, recognized the victory I achieved by showing the nation what people who were normally treated as property could accomplish. By shaking up their assumptions," she says, nodding briefly at Drannor. "And the women who stood in the room, whether they were slaves or members of the court, were proud that I represented them as well. I know ... I know, now, that the forces behind my victory that day were not all who I thought they were, that they were tainted by Garagos and Shar. But that pride I saw ... I still hold on to that."
When she is finished talking, Erazema looks down, not meeting anyone’s eyes. Nexus thinks she would like the attention to move away from her, so zie turns to see who wants to share their story next, and comes face to face with Sergeant Pike’s body.
"Hello," zie says to the new nexi. "You look like Sergeant Pike. Do you know who that is?"
The new nexi tilts zir head. "Yes, I know Sergeant Pike, and I know you, Nexus. And I remember how Sergeant Pike knew the Nexus." Zie takes Nexus’ hand and holds it tight.
It’s not really a handshake, so Nexus isn’t sure what to do, but lets the new nexi keep gripping zir hand. "What’s your name?"
"I am Constancy. I will remember Sergeant Pike, as all of the Risen who are born today will remember our predecessors." There are, in fact, dozens and maybe even hundreds of nexi bodies who begin to move, standing up and starting to look around.
The sight makes Nexus think about the lives that ended to lead to this point, but just as strongly to think of the lives that are beginning. They are the cost of war, but also its reward, and Nexus would not be able to say how much of zir is happy, and how much is sad. But zie does know that, together, those two feelings encompass all of zirself.
Nexus’ hand is tight on Constancy’s own, and zie thinks that maybe zie is holding onto it as hard as zie would like to cry.
"Hello, Constancy," Nexus says. "It’s very nice to meet you."
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I liked this very much.
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