sigelphoenix

Title: Give Me Liberty Or ...
Length: 14 tracks + omake, 59 minutes
Notes: Because of my compulsive need to over-explain everything, each track listing is followed by a "why" section that describes relevant parts of Nexus' life. I actually found it pretty useful to write these out, because they allowed me to flesh out and streamline Nexus' character. I think reading the post might help people to better understand things that I haven't expressed through roleplaying, because of lack of either opportunity or skill.

Speaking of over-explaining: I picked the title because of this strip from A Softer World. Or, as I think of it, "If Nexus were a webcomic"!

Also, beware that the choices and order of the songs are based on a (roughly) chronological overview of Nexus' life, rather than an attempt to keep a consistent style or smooth transitions. If it sounds musically incoherent - well, that's because it is.

Download the FST!

1. Muse - Butterflies and Hurricanes

Change everything you are
And everything you were
Your number has been called

Fights, battles have begun
Revenge will surely come
Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best
You've got to change the world
And you use this chance to be heard
Your time is now

In the beginning, Nexus is created as a slave of Colonel Kral Redstone of Eshpurta in Amn - given enough intelligence and sentience to be a soldier, but no independence. With no one to guide it, Nexus has to make the choice to claim its own personhood, escape, and start an entirely new life: uncertain, dangerous, but free. Its future now promises both risk and reward.

I chose this song in particular for the sense of building urgency, the shift from the quiet beginning to the crescendo that characterizes the rest of the song: Nexus goes from having barely any life at all to having one with more intensity than most people experience in their lifetimes.

2. Garbage - Metal Heart

I want to be dependable, I want to be courageous and good
I want to be faithful so that I can be heroic and true
I want to be a friend you can rely on you can lean on and trust
I want to understand so I can forgive and be willing to love
[...]
But now that we know for sure they're telling lies when they say
No one gets hurt and therefore nobody dies
You know it's hard to believe anything that you hear
They say the world is round
The world is round

Now that Nexus has chosen to be a person, it needs to decide what kind of person to be. Its early experiences have been characterized by intimidation and control, so its initial emotions are reactions to that. After learning that people can create life and then manipulate those living things, it is suitably wary of liars and/or people in positions of authority. At the same time, Nexus does encounter some good people, like Kanuran - even though it grows impatient with the proto-paladin and ditches him - and would rather fix the world then get revenge on it.

Also, "Metal Heart," hurr hurr.

3. Flyleaf - Fully Alive

She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

Ultimately, Nexus is less a person of anger and more a person of strong action. Its resentment regarding its enslavement takes a back seat to its appreciation of life as an intelligent, sentient being. It's a strange creature who was never really supposed to exist, so every day it does exist ought to be experienced as much as possible. It isn't afraid of what will happen next, because the fact that something will happen next is a source of happiness on its own.

4. Thea Gilmore - When I'm Gone

And all my days won't be dances of delight when I'm gone
And the sands will be shifting from my sight when I'm gone
Can't add my name to the fight while I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

I won't be laughing at the lies when I'm gone
And I can't question how or when or why when I'm gone
Can't live proud enough to die when I'm gone
So I guess I'll have to do it while I'm here

Nexus knows that it's going to die someday (if not of old age, then it will probably be killed in battle), so it wants to live its life to the fullest without worrying about the risk of death. In its eyes, living under the fear of dying - hiding from conflict or bowing to intimidation or running from battle - would be a waste of its life. This attitude is somewhat tempered as Nexus ages and better understands its own life and lifespan, but it still holds to the core idea of making the most of its existence.

I like that this song is so mellow and sweet-sounding in contrast to the last track, though its meditation on death is slightly morbid. Nexus' fatalistic attitude on life is also incongruously blithe, almost cheerful. Though this is literally a matter of life and death, it's not something Nexus considers worth agitation or drama. The sound of the song makes it an odd, yet perfectly matched, counterpart to the previous one.

5. Boyce Avenue - Dare to Believe

If you dare to believe in life
You might realise that there's no time for talkin'
Or just wait around while the innocent die

No more, we're gonna lose everything
If we believe all the lies
I may fall but I swear that I'll help you believe

No more, this world's runnin' on empty
And there's no reason why
You may fall but I know that you'll help me believe

After Nexus escapes Amn, it knows that it wants to fight for freedom - but aside from its own liberation, 'freedom' is still an abstract concept. It becomes concrete for the first time when Nexus meets Kershach and the kecuala. For Kershach, freeing his fellow Blackscale and the Poison Dusk from being manipulated and magically dominated is more important than his own life, a dedication that he demonstrates when he dies facing down the false Blackscale chief, Shirikshik. He passes Unfettered on to Nexus before he dies, a gesture of trust and request for help that has remained with Nexus since. As one of Nexus' earliest friends, its predecessor in wielding Unfettered, and the companion spirit to the Adamant Company, Kershach remains one of the single most influential people in Nexus' life.

The song is pretty lofty and romantic-sounding, even though the actual series of events that was bewildering and brutal. While Nexus remembers well the bad things that happened to the Adamant Company and the bad things they did, it holds a pretty lofty opinion of Kershach - one that is influenced by nostalgia, posthumous idealizing, and no small amount of infatuation.

6. The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Represent

A kid came up to me now just the other day
And asked me if I'd thought about what I would say
If everything came crashing down on top of me
How would I stay pure?
[...]
Will you represent
Who you stand for
Will they shame you
Will they blame you

There's a consequence
For the path you chose
Will they change you
Will they make you who you are not

Lyson Racaster is Nexus' first real friend, even before the Adamant Company is born. They share a desire to eradicate evil, though their methods are different - Nexus' first reaction is to fight against those who oppress others, while Lyson wants to teach goodness to fiends. Still, they support one another in the pursuit of their cherished ideals in the face of opposition from many fronts.

The "kid" in the song could be either Nexus or Lyson, because they share a youthful, almost childlike idealism. The consequences mentioned could refer to Lyson's redemption of evil creatures - a risky endeavor that has endangered or alienated others, while his deceptive methods have caused friction between him and Nexus. As for Nexus, it has made its own mistakes while trying to do the right thing, in places like the Lizard Marshes and Loudwater; its life has been a continual learning process about what its beliefs are, and the best way to fight for them. (This song, together with the next one, addresses a couple of the reasons behind Nexus' shift from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good.)

7. P!nk - Dear Mr. President

Dear Mr. President,
Come take a walk with me.
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street?
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep?
What do you feel when you look in the mirror?
Are you proud?

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry?
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye?
How do you walk with your head held high?

Nexus' formative experience with evil was a relatively simple one: Redstone enslaved Nexus, so Nexus killed him and escaped. As it lives and understands more, Nexus has more questions about whom it should fight against, and how. As a true follower of Tempus, Nexus knows that war is a tool to be used only when needed, and it learns that evil can manifest in ways that are not easy or useful to defeat through violence - that many of the most insidious forms of oppression aren't physical or obvious. It begins developing the ideology behind its cause, and no longer sees a lethal swing of its sword as the only way to fight for freedom. Even when physical battle is not a necessary or feasible option, it can still struggle, protest, defend, and win.

(This collaboration with the folksy Indigo Girls resulted in a more subtle, less blunt kind of song than a lot of P!nk's previous work. You might say that Nexus' adoption of a mellower, more nuanced worldview has been like learning to collaborate with the Indigo Girls. XD)

8. Built to Spill - Car

You get the car
I'll get the night off
You'll get the chance to take the world apart and figure out how it works
Don't let me know what you find out
I need a car
You need a guide
Who needs a map
If I don't die or worse I'm gonna need a nap
At best I'll be asleep when you get back

I wanna see it when you find out what comets, stars, and moons are all about

Before they become friends, Vilda Gandlestrand's interest in Nexus is for one reason, and one reason alone: curiosity. Vilda is fascinated by nexi, and invites Nexus along on her wild road of discovery. She travels with it to Loudwater to learn how it interacts with the citizens it wronged; she shares with it her process of self-transformation from human to nexi; she invents nexi sex and lets Nexus try that thing that Luth does all the time with Jhaer and Sid. Vilda gives Nexus new things to think about and try, and shares with it her weird genius and wild enthusiasm. In return, Nexus is one of the few people who won't look at her funny because she thinks it was cool that her brain was splattered by a sniper's arrow, or because she later made that same brain explode out of her head (on purpose).

9. A Fine Frenzy - The Minnow & The Trout

Help me out said the minnow to the trout
I was lost and found myself swimming in your mouth
Help me chief
I've got plans for you and me
I swear upon this riverbed
I'll help you feel young again

Not your every day circumstance
The hummingbird taking coffee with the ants
And I said

Please, I know that we're different
We were one cell in the sea in the beginning
And what we're made of was all the same once
We're not that different after all
[...]
We are tied in history
Connected like a family

Meeting Drannor (the Drannor) is not something that Nexus ever predicted or looked for, but regardless the ancient elf appears in its head and tells Nexus that it is an Eternal Blade. This, despite the fact that Eternal Blades are supposed to be elf guardians - but it sort of works, since Nexus was named an elf-friend, and it doesn't age and therefore is eternal-ish. Ultimately, Drannor is concerned less with labels and more with cooperating to combat evil, particularly Garagos. He and Nexus get along on that count, and Drannor is a valuable teacher for the nexi, both as an experienced practitioner of the Sublime Way, and as someone who shares many of Nexus' values - but who also brings the prospective of someone who has lived a long life, and seen others' lifetimes. As Nexus grows older and better understands the cost of death, Drannor helps it differentiate between the passion of dedicating one's life to a cause, and the fanaticism of simply dying because of it. Nexus considers him a parental figure in many ways.

(In light of that last bit, you could also consider "Dear Mr. President" the song for Drannor and Nexus, casting Nexus as P!nk and Drannor as the Indigo Girls. XD)

10. Sister Hazel - Green (Welcome to the World)

Welcome to the world, oh yeah
A very unusual place
Don't let that scare you
[...]
It's all so new
Yeah you're so green
But I'll cover you
So enjoy the view
Yeah you're so green
Until you balance on the earth to find that love
Surrounds you
[...]
Now your world has just begun
You're a very unusual one
And that's what makes you beautiful

Finding out that other nexi exist - first Graven, then Nainar and the hundreds of nexi who spontaneously achieve sentience in Amn, and finally Urbanus - is a wonder for Nexus. It's tremendously excited to meet other beings like itself, while at the same time it is tremendously concerned - Nexus is keenly aware of how vulnerable completely inexperienced intelligent beings are, and how much their naivete can disadvantage them. A major priority for Nexus, from the moment it learns of the nexi through the rest of the campaign, is to find a way to shepherd the new beings into life without the influence of others overwhelming them, not even the influence of Nexus itself. It's of the utmost importance to Nexus that all nexi are able to shape their own lives according to their individual thoughts, feelings, opinions, and experiences.

tl;dr version: Nexus ♥ its nexi siblings.

11. Sarah McLachlan - World On Fire

I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what's coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
I'll tap into the water
(Try and bring my share)
I try to bring more
More than I can handle
(Bring it to the table)
Bring what I am able

Life is tough when your god falls from the heavens and lands in an unconscious heap on earth. The mission to stop Garagos is already a daunting one, and Nexus' hope is sorely tested when Tempus, its patron deity - and one of the direct enemies of Garagos - joins the vulnerability of the mortal plane. Nexus has optimism and devotion on its side, plus a healthy stubborn streak, but not even it cannot escape feeling some doubt about the future.

Still, though Nexus knows that it doesn't have the power or resources to succeed on its own, it has friends and allies, and it is determined to contribute everything within its power that it can. Its sword is dedicated to fighting Garagos' forces and protecting his targeted victims, and its faith is dedicated to helping Tempus recover.

12. Pearl Jam - I Won't Back Down

Well I won't back down, no I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won't back down
[...]
Well I know what's right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin' me around
But I stand my ground and I won't back down

The message here is simple: Nexus refuses to give in to Garagos, or any of the terror or devastation he brings. Death, grief, pain, fear - nothing will deter it.

Incidentally, Pearl Jam only performed their cover of this song live, so the only recording I could get has an audience clapping and singing along. Imagine that they're the nexi or something.

13. The Decemberists - After the Bombs

And after the bombs subside
And this long, low campaign
Calls it good for the night

We meet in the streets
Will we meet in the bar's cold light?
We grip at our hands
We hold just a little tight
[...]
Then we'll go dancing
Won't we go dancing
Yes we'll go dancing

'Till it all
Starts over again

Worshippers of Tempus understand that war is not necessarily a cause for grief or despair, as it can be used in defense or pursuit of what they value. But war should happen only when truly necessary, and last only as long as truly necessary. Nexus is grateful when battles end, but at the same time it doesn't spend time dreading the start of the next one. If and when they win this war, it will take the respite as a time to enjoy peace, and to strengthen that peace so that war isn't needed again - but Nexus will still prepare for the next battle.

I like the quiet, mellow feel of the song, and the way it expresses the sense of subdued celebration that comes after the end of war. There's a touch of mourning, but also acceptance.

14. Vienna Teng - Hope On Fire

Gotta fight gotta strike
'Cause there's no turning away
From what you don't want to know
Gotta see gotta be
If they're all going astray
Don't let them take you in tow

You're a one-man shift in the weather
You're the woman who just won't sell
Climbing up and ringing the bell

Ooh you're gonna make your mark this time
Ooh you're gonna set your hope on fire
[...]
Gotta move gotta choose
You've got a difference to make
Don't watch it happen again

Nexus' image song. A Crusader, and the current wielder of Unfettered, Nexus is fueled by a passion to vanquish oppression, which drives it on even when the work is difficult, daunting, or lacking approval from the establishment. It's sort of a lofty goal for a nine-year-old, sure, but Nexus doesn't need to be convinced of success in order to fight; it just wants to make sure that it lives, and dies, in a worthwhile way.

I also like to read the lyrics as describing a single person as both "man" and "woman" (rather than referring to a woman and a man, individually). Nexus thinks of itself as genderless more than hermaphroditic, but it would rather be described as both genders than either one.

Omake: John Oszajca - I'm Alive

I was born in a north Washington laboratory
Machine parts, human heart like a science fiction story
Then one day I was suddenly aware
Quite abrupt, I sat up in my chair
And said
I am a sentient being
I am a feeling machine

I'm alive
I'm alive
I can feel
I can see
I can love
I can breathe
I'm alive

This one is self-explanatory. XD XD XD