sigelphoenix

Title: Sleepless Night
Characters: Luth, Nexus, Drannor
Word Count: ~2600
Summary: Luth continues to feel disturbed after killing Kadira, and talks to Nexus.
Notes: RP with lunapome after adventure 45 and before Sapphire Nightmare.

Luth woke with a start for the third time this night and then swore. He was finding the effects of taking off his ring of sustenance really frustrating. He had kept the same sleep schedule for more than five years now and having it suddenly switch on him was taking a bit of a toll. His body needed eight hours of sleep now but he kept waking up after two and blearily staying up for at least an hour before he could manage to get back to sleep again.

Luth glanced over hoping his expletive hadn't woken his partners, and seeing that he hadn't, carefully got out of bed. He checked his belt for the sapphire just to make sure it hadn't illogically disappeared. Luth knew it was safe where he put it but he kept checking, terrified she would manage to break free. He almost put it in the possum pouch, the magic item worn against his skin, but even though he would know it was always there the idea of it constantly touching his skin made him physically ill.

Luth shook his head dispelling the image forcibly and pulled on his clothes. If he wasn't going to be able to sleep he might as well do something, anything, to keep himself from pulling the sapphire out and checking it compulsively. He silently left the room and went to go find the only one of his friends he knew was still up at this hour.

Nexus was awake, and training, having recently stopped having sex with Vilda. Though nexi didn't get tired, and Vilda saw no reason to stop for as long as they had no other pressing duties, Nexus did find that it got a little bored after several hours. Though it had been happy to use its body for physical pleasure with Vilda, after having been nearly killed and paralyzed by Kadira's demi-plane.

Now it was using its body in a different context, working out in one of Ironbloom's training grounds and using some of the battle energy it had been prevented from turning upon Kadira. It didn't feel angry, anymore, though - Nexus had been angry at Kadira while she was alive, since even the little information Luth had told it about her crimes against himself and his father was horrific on its own, but now it was just relieved that she was dead.

As if summoned by its thoughts, Nexus saw Luth approaching. It waved.

Luth twitched his fingers in small wave back. He wiped his palms on his pants and stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before speaking. "Would you like to spar, or talk maybe? I'm having a bit of a problem sleeping."

"Sure." Nexus sat itself down on the ground. "Let's try talking first."

Drannor made himself visible to Luth for a few moments to say, "Well done, Luth, on overcoming an obstacle in your life that ... I imagine most people cannot readily comprehend, let alone have the strength to face."

Luth blushed at Drannor's words and would have shuffled his feet if he hadn't joined Nexus on the floor. "I don't know, I mean Nexus killed its captor." Luth drummed his fingers on his crossed ankles for a second before adding. "How did you feel after that? After you killed Karl Redstone, I mean... umm... if that isn't too personal a question."

Nexus made a thoughtful 'hmm' noise as it considered Luth's words. "I don't think it's too personal - I don't want to keep it a secret," it said finally. "I never thought much about how I felt after killing him, except when we went to Amn and everything reminded me. I think ... I was angry, because he tried to force me to stay in the army, and a little afraid, because he was going to kill me. But after I killed him, those feelings went away pretty quickly, because he was dead and that meant he couldn't kill me or keep me under his command anymore. So I didn't feel much about him after that."

Luth nodded taking this all in, then leaned back on his hands and let out a sigh. "Damn, I was hoping... well, damn." Luth stared up at the ceiling for a moment trying to arrange his thoughts before leaning back forward. "Sorry Nexus, I was hoping our situations would be similar enough for me to gain some... I dunno... understanding, I guess, to my own situation."

Nexus cocked its head at him. "You don't understand how you feel after killing Kadira?"

Luth brushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at his friend, and answered hesitantly "Yes... I think, I understand the hows just not the whys." He pulled his knees up to his chest. "I feel disconnected, abstracted maybe? Though perhaps that is because it is unfinished, maybe it will go away when she is properly disposed of. I dunno, I feel... well a part of me feels profound, utter relief, that I'm trying to keep in check til after she is truly dead. Those feelings I understand, they make sense. I'd understand if that was all but I also feel... regret, I guess."

"Abstracted?" Nexus repeated, trying to follow. "You mean, like it's not real? And regret, too ... hmm." It poked the end of Unfettered in the ground, making small marks in the dirt. "I don't think I understand, Luth. But then again, I don't really understand what it means for Kadira to have done everything she did to you. I don't know how it would feel. Maybe feeling regret and abstracted makes sense for you."

Luth brushed at his bangs again habitually and shrugged "If it doesn't make sense inside my own head, how can I expect others understand it? There are just so many things I don't know." He made a frustrated noise. "I've never even seen her face, I've never even really talked to her. My monster is faceless, and yet she has been such a large part of my life. And it bothers me."

The nexi nodded slowly. "We never saw the real Kadira, even when you killed her final form in the demi-plane, right? The real Kadira was just trapped in that sapphire by your spell, so you didn't get to fight her face-to-face." It paused, thinking. "But you did defeat her, just with your plan instead of a swordfight. Does that not feel like enough?"

Luth blew out his breath."It should be, but it isn't. I don't want to fight her again, gods I don't want to fight her again, but I want to know. I want to see that she knows, knows that I am better, that I am more than what she thought."

"Can you talk to her?" Nexus asked. "Before we destroy the sapphire, I mean."

Luth made a humm sound "I dunno, I mean I don't think it would be impossible, not with all the magic resources we have. But... do you think that would be a good idea?" Luth looked at the nexi in honest inquiry.

Nexus figured he wasn't asking it about the possible danger of letting Kadira go free, since it didn't know anything about magic. It shrugged. "I think so. She's probably a horrible person, and it won't feel good to talk to her, but I think not knowing would be worse. At least you would know. And she would know everything you want to tell her."

Luth nodded slowly "I... I will think on that, but not right now." He ran his hand down his face and shook his head to dispel the thoughts in his head. "Right now I would like to talk about someone other than myself, I'm sick of me. How are you? How' are you and Vilda?" Luth couldn't quite manage a grin but he tried.

"Vilda is fine. Um ..." Nexus' voice was lighter, because this was a topic it was happy to talk about, but it was also dubious about the change in subject. But maybe talking about something completely different would help Luth. "You know," it said, hitting upon an idea, "I think I understand now why you like sex as a pre-battle strategy. Since fighting can be painful, it's nice to be able to do something that feels good physically. Compared to being injured and trapped in Kadira's plane, sex with Vilda felt much better."

Now Luth actually grinned. "Ya know, that isn't the most flattering comparison. You're right though, as far as I can tell... well there is also the emotional connection people want when they are not sure they will live through the upcoming events."

Nexus nodded. "I tried sex with Vilda before, but now I'm kind of in love with her, so it's different than when we were doing it as friends. I felt ... relieved that I didn't die in the fight and I could still be with her."

Luth smiled wistfully and nodded silent agreement. He searched for a follow up question, he didn't want to lose the thread of this conversation. It was heartening and hopeful. "How do you feel about love?"

"It's surprising," was the first thing that occurred to Nexus.

Luth quirked an eyebrow and gestured with his hand inviting Nexus to continue.

"Well, I was surprised that Vilda was in love with me," it began. "Though part of that is because she told me in a surprising way. And then, when I was trying to decide if I was in love with her, I realized that maybe I was little in love with Kershach." Nexus raised its hands in a helpless sort of gesture, though it seemed more bemused than agitated. "Love, at least this kind of love, can sneak up on you."

Luth sighed in a content way and was lost in thought for a few moments. "It's been a real honor and pleasure being your friend Nexus. I've gotten to see you learn and grow, its been really... well, inspiring. Vilda is very lucky."

Nexus made a pleased 'hmm' noise at Luth's praise. "That's a kind thing to say, Luth, and I'm glad you feel like that about me. I don't hear you describe that many things as good."

Luth chuckled. "That's cause I'm a crotchety old man."

Nexus shrugged. "I also think it's because you notice problems that other people don't see, which is good so the rest of us don't make lots of mistakes or fall into traps. Though I guess you are crotchety."

Luth choked and looked over at Nexus with a stuffed look on his face. Well at least he didn't call him old as well. "Thank you, Nexus. I think, if you don't mind, I'd like to hit at something now. Wanna spar?"

"I'd love to spar." Nexus rose to its feet, not nearly as gracefully as Luth, but with a speed that belied its size. "I didn't get to join in today's fight as much as I wanted."

"No, you were occupied in making sure my mother didn't escape. For which I am incredibly in your debt." He made a thoughtful noise as he looked down at his weapons and switched Supernal Clarity to his off hand. "I don't generally fight with those tactics but I can ape that style." Luth grinned "Alright Nexus ready?"

Nexus shrugged. "I'm glad. I don't regret the protecting Gruust part, but I do regret the getting stabbed and frozen in the plane part." It had certainly been glad to use the magic on its Ilmateran holy symbol to thwart Kadira's plans, but it was still a follower of Tempus and not Ilmater, and preferred to protect others through combat. Being stuck in time during the final battle against Kadira, unable to contribute to the fight, was unsatisfying. Sparring against Luth now would be different, of course, but at least it would get to use its fighting skills to help them hone their abilities so as to better face the next threat.

Nexus cocked its head as it looked at Luth's hands. "What are you doing?" It shrugged again. "Well, I guess you won't tell me."

Luth let go of the magic miasma spell he was casting and a thick grey mist filled the room. On instinct, Nexus lashed out at the spot where Luth had been standing, but he was already gone, activating the freedom of movement granted by Supernal Clarity.

Now conditions were similar to what they were on the demi-plane. Nexus was couldn't see very well, and the instant after it had tried to attack Luth it realized it could barely move. Just taking a step took longer than it used to, and the heavy mist felt almost like actual hands holding down Nexus' limbs. Realizing that moving forward and attacking was not going to work as usual, it planted its feet, bringing Unfettered in front of its chest in a defensive stance, and tried to think. It tried activating the magic item that allowed it to see through invisibility spells, but that didn't work - Luth wasn't invisible, just hidden by the magical mist.

Taking advantage of the precious seconds Nexus used while it reacted, Luth drew upon the tactics employed by the doppelganger: hide, strike, move away. He scored a few hits on Nexus' body, though finding the vulnerable points on the nexi's body was a little harder than it was on humans or other similar creatures. But he wasn't aiming for heavy damage, just keeping Nexus confused and unable to retaliate.

The first few hits kept Nexus unbalanced, as Luth didn't give it more than a few seconds between each attack, and no attack came from the same place as the last. The nexi had no chance of tracking his movements by sight or sound, so it simply braced itself against the next strike. This time, when it felt Supernal Clarity pierce its wooden flesh, it lashed out with divine power from Tempus through Unfettered. The blade passed through empty air, however, and the ground shook with the spent power.

Nexus' next attack fared better, and it felt Unfettered clip one of Luth's limbs. The blinding mist disappeared immediately, and Luth stood before it with a lopsided smile and some blood on his clothes.

"That was more fun than when Kadira did it," Nexus commented as the two of them used their healing items to cure their minor wounds. "Thanks for the practice."

Luth huffed a small laugh, his smile turning wry. "Yeah." Better than being described as the same as Kadira, he supposed, though it was one of his goals to be able to control her- no- his demi-plane in the way she did during their final battle. And he would have to figure out a way to make sure any other offspring she might have couldn't use it ...

Luth shook his head ruefully. Though he didn't expect sparring to provide more than a meager distraction from thoughts of his mother, it seemed she was already back to consuming his thoughts. His hand moved in what was already a familiar gesture to check the hidden pocket of his belt, feeling to make sure the sapphire was still inside. "Well, Nexus, I think I'm going to see if I can sleep one more time."

Nexus looked up from where it was kicking loose dirt back into the crater its failed attack on Luth had made. "Okay. Have a good sleep."

"Thanks, I ... well, I'll try." Luth clapped Nexus' shoulder lightly as he passed by, and headed back to his room in the dark.