sigelphoenix

Title: Guidance
Characters: Nexus, Bardheid, Drannor
Word Count: 1100
Summary: Two short conversations in the Calim Desert.
Notes: ratzeo's fault for sending me the first snippet of dialogue, which inspired me to write a short fic.

A couple of days into the trip through the Calim Desert, an idle conversation between Nexus and their Calishite guide, Bardheid, turns to the subject of the nexi's age.

"Eight years - well, nine now, I think," Nexus informs him.

"Ho! Really? Well, you've come a lot further than most folks I know that age, my friend. But I, I am nearly fifty! An impressive age for a man who spends as much time as me on the edge of the Calim." He winks. "Want to know the secret to my longevity, my friend? It is quite simple. Just don't die!"

He has a good laugh over this, then gets a little more serious.

"Life is a precious thing. A gift, some would say. I understand that you are ... doing something you feel is important. I am not blind. This is not some typical adventurer treasure hunt. 'Adventurers.' Feh. To lazy to work real jobs. The 'profession' does not carry the respect here in Calimshan that it does in the lands that you come from. Remember that while you are here. I know enough about you to respect you, but others will just see someone who doesn't want to work."

He scratches at his bushy, graying mustache while he shivers in the chill night. "I had a point in there somewhere. Yes. Life is precious. Especially your own. If you are willing to die for a cause, perhaps you are not thinking clearly, yes? You are young, and so I give you this advice for free. Advice from an old man who has seen a bit of life pass him by, yes indeed."

Nexus considers the stretches of sand dunes before them, an endless and - to its eyes - monotonous landscape in the dark. "I agree that a life is a precious thing to have. I don't want to lose it, but I would be willing to, for things that are more precious. I would be sadder to lose those things than I would be to die."

Bardheid shakes his head and says, "I was afraid of that. You've got the zeal about you that makes men die for causes instead of living for life." He thumps a mittened fist on Nexus' shoulder. "But to each their own, lad. I'll get you where you're going, and you can do what you need to."

Bardheid respects the desert deeply, but he's never thought of it as his home. It's a place that makes him feel really alive, because he has to use everything he has just to make it through the day. But he spends more time in Calimport, the city where he was born, and a place where he doesn't have to worry about being on his game every single moment. He likes the desert in ... controlled doses.

He draws away from Nexus to take the lead and guide the group around a blowback. His concentration now fully upon surviving in the treacherous Calim, Bardheid doesn't hear the nexi muttering thoughtfully behind him.

*

"Why would you dedicate your life to something you wouldn't want to give your life for?" it asks - perhaps Bardheid, perhaps Drannor, perhaps itself.

Drannor answers. "You've spent most of your life among adventurers, Nexus, for whom the prospect of death is ever-present, and who, by necessity, must accept its likelihood. But a lot of people, who live less dangerous lives, make more effort to reduce their chances of dying."

"I reduce my chances of dying. I defend myself when I'm attacked, and I keep my body in good shape so it doesn't stop working. And we hired Bardheid to help us not die in the desert."

The elf smiles. "True. But some people take further measures, such as not going into the desert at all, or not adventuring. Keeping out of the way of things that would hurt them."

"Mmm." Nexus watches Bardheid as the man studies the ground, carefully choosing their path. "But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to do anything I want to do with my life - like find the Shardwalker, or learn more about Unfettered, or figure out how to stop Garagos. I am living for life, like Bardheid said."

Drannor shrugs gently, his expression not argumentative. "I agree that you are, for the kind of life you have chosen. Remember that some people decide that other, less potentially deadly, things are important to them."

Nexus nods, thinking of its fellow nexi. It told them that it doesn't want them all to choose the same things it chooses, just because it's 'The Nexus.' It doesn't even want them all to try to stop Garagos, even though stopping Garagos is one of the most important things to Nexus right now. It just wants them to use their lives to do what they want to do most, and it hopes they don't hold back from things they want to do just because they're afraid of dying. "I still think that living is more important than not dying. Does that make sense?"

"I see what you mean, Nexus. My life - not even counting the time I've spent as a Blade Guide - has been long, and I'm glad of it. But if it had been cut short, for a good reason - say, if I'd died to save the life of someone important to me, like my wife - I would have considered that worthwhile. There are some things I would've given up centuries of life for."

"I guess I might live for centuries," Nexus muses. "That would be a lot of time to give up if I died now. And if I died here, in the desert, I wouldn't get to see Lyson again, or my other comrades, or the other nexi. I've already been with them for months or years, but ... there would be many, many more years I would miss. The longer I live, the more I understand how long time is."

Its elf guide nods. "Even if you choose the same priorities, and take on the same risks, your opinion can change as to what those risks are, and why you make the same choice. I've changed my own opinions over the course of my life. I have already seen how your travels and experiences continually contribute to yours. I can't see you changing your mind to agree with our desert guide, for instance, but you can learn from him."