Rewriting the sex question meme : comments [sigelphoenix]

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Hi there!

laylah pointed me over your way after yet another round of mentioning how the sex question meme's in need of an overhaul.

To me, one of the most glaring things about the original meme is the failure to define what sex means in context of the survey -- and it's a pretty big oversight, because clearly not all respondents view sex as penile-vaginal intercourse. The first set of questions seems to imply that that's what constitutes sex, and that's a huge honking assumption on the original author's part. So I think sex should either be defined -- for the purposes of this meme, anyway; defining sex on a broader scale would be pretty painful! -- or some sort of question needs to be on there about how the respondent defines sex as, or what the respondent considers to "count" as sex.

I have a whole host of issues with fifteen, too; I get that the author's trying to word the question delicately, but the scope of the question is way too broad. I think the question's trying to ask "have you been convinced, persuaded, or otherwise pressured into sexual behavior that violated your personal levels of comfort?" But the wording on that one's far from perfect. I'm not sure how you'd rephrase the question, really, but it needs to be rephrased.

I'd like to propose an addendum to number seventeen, too: "Where is the weirdest place you've had sex in, and how did it affect the experience?" Because "weird"'s another one of those words where the definition's really variable.

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Hello!

Yes, good point - what do you think about a question (possibly the first question in the meme) along the lines of, "How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions."

Hm, yes, and I think that even if someone is comfortable filling out this meme, they may not want to divulge that information. How about a question like, "How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?"

Right, I think 17 is intended as a place to share amusing stories about having sex in unexpected places. But, what is considered unexpected? Maybe, "What's your favorite place where you've had sex that people usually don't associate with sex?" But without the awkward phrasing.

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I think that makes a really good starting point! And it would allow us to get rid of #36, which I'd be in favor of. ^^

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Speaking of questions to get rid of, I think number thirteen deserves to get the axe. It sounds too much like we're using Hollywood movies to define reality.

Also, I approve of that icon.

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Pretty much! I don't really even know how that question relates to sex

--unless what they're trying to say is "would you have sex with someone for money, or do you only sleep with people you love" Which. Is. A bad question. On many levels. I feel.

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I actually hadn't thought about it in that way, which is strange, because that seems like the more likely interpretation.

...I'm not sure which I would prefer. How about neither! I'm going with neither.

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honestly phrased that way it makes me think of this terrible joke I once heard that was like "the other day, while trying to have sex with my girlfriend, she asked if I had any protection so I told her that my mother said babies come from two people who love each other, so we should be okay."

Which. Is terrible. BUT IT UNDERSCORES THE ONLY-PEOPLE-YOU-LOVE problem.

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Get rid of it, or try rephrasing to "What are your criteria for a sexual partner?" On the one hand, I think that's an interesting question. On the other hand, I don't want anyone to feel shamed if "love" isn't part of the answer.

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The rephrase sounds good to me o/

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Yes. 13 needs to go. ^^

...you like 'em blond and muscular, don't you? ♥

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I like 'em dapper. If I had my pick of blond Square boys, I'd probably see if Luxord was interested. But way those two are set up in that icon?

Yeah. Got my attention.

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How do you feel about over-worked but well-meaning detectives?

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If they are scruffy in a slightly underfed way, when I probably have an inexplicable soft spot for them. Having my eye caught by scruffy, underfed men makes living in Seattle sort of distracting, but it also makes self-lovin' easier.

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Hmmmm, I don't think Dojima is terribly underfed...
I mean, he might be kinda, just because he never seems to make it home in time for dinner (or, at all, sometimes) and probably has way too many coffee-and-fast-food meals.

But yes, I can see how that might both help and hurt you, around here ;D

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Do you think you could use the word unconventional? What is the most unconventional place you have had sex or would like to have sex? I'm not sure if that really works...

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Yeah, it's hard to come up with a concise phrasing that gets the point across, but doesn't leave the door wide open to "if you do this, you're deviant and weird" shaming.

I'll stick that in for now (stick it in, hurr hurr) and see if we come up with something else later.

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Yeah, I don't want to any one to feel needlessly deviant but I don't want to get rid of the 'fun' of this question either. I mean I've got some hilarious stories that I could share and would like to be able to do that.

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Yes! I'll keep the "unconventional place" question, and add one at the end for embarrassing stories.

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January