sigelphoenix

Title: Approval
Characters: Sae and Gunnar
Warmakers Adventure: 19-21
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: How Sae earns approval, and how she does not.


In middle school, Reika was one of the prettiest girls in her class, and she was always being asked out by boys. Sometimes she said yes, and watched a movie or went out for ice cream behind their parents' back. Most of the time, though, she said no - sweetly, charmingly - explaining to the disappointed boy that their family was moving away soon and it wouldn't be very fun for him to be her boyfriend for such a short time. Her unattainability only seemed to make her more desirable, and boy after boy continued to confess to her.

Even though Reika didn't talk about these failed attempts at courtship, Sae knew, because she was often there when her sister opened her locker to find love notes, or overflowing piles of chocolates on White Day.

One time, a boy tried asking Sae out. She doesn't remember his name; it was something like Yamadera-kun, maybe. He caught up to her after school one day when she was waiting for Reika, and blurted out his confession.

Sae stared blankly at him. Eventually he stammered an apology and left.

It happened again, once or twice. Sae didn't know why; she might have been as pretty as her sister, but definitely not as attractive. Eventually she figured that these boys hoped that asking the less popular twin would increase their chances, and still get them a pretty girlfriend. In any case, she never said yes or bothered to try flirting or otherwise attracting romantic attention. She had other ways of earning the high regard of others - her high test scores, or her natural aptitude for athletics - and being a girlfriend just never seemed like one of those ways.

Reika was good at attracting boys who wanted to be her boyfriend, just as she was good at attracting girls who wanted to be her best friend. Sae didn't have a chance of being that popular, so she didn't bother to try.

***

Sae hasn't thought about these things - love notes and Yamadera-kun and White Day - in a long time; middle school feels very far away when she's traveling across space with the Guardians and risking her life fighting devils. But she does remember them in Heimgard, after she and Gunnar decide to become boyfriend and girlfriend and Sae finds herself thinking, What the hell does that even mean?

She's definitely more interested in the answer now than she ever was in middle school. None of the boys back then - whether the quiet ones who asked her out or the popular ones all the other girls swooned over - made her heart beat faster the way Gunnar does. None of them made her excited enough to indulge in impulse, like one morning after training when she is sitting against the wall and Gunnar crouches in front of her, talking about strategy, and she suddenly wants to kiss him very much. And does.

Gunnar goes still as his words are cut off by Sae's lips. Fortunately, he doesn't seem bothered at being interrupted, and kisses her back. She slides her arms around his neck, drawing him closer; he slides his hand around to cradle the back of her head.

Sae is just thinking that this must be why her classmates were all so eager to try dating, when Gunnar abruptly stops kissing her and pulls back. Her head falls back against the wall - luckily, the padded wall, or else Gunnar would be in trouble - with a soft thud.

Gunnar starts talking about strategy again.

"Uh," Sae begins. She can feel her cheeks turning red, and she wonders if she should apologize or something. She's used to stories about boys being unable to keep their hands off of girls during dates; it doesn't seem right that Gunnar is stopping and she still wants to kiss. "Was that ... I mean, did I ..." She bites her lip and drops her gaze, focusing on his chin instead of his eyes. "Did you like that?"

She watches Gunnar's chin bob as he nods. "It was nice."

"Okay," she says, unsure. She feels like she's somehow failed to play her part.

But Gunnar isn't lying, and he seems fine with what happened. Sae takes comfort in that much. But she doesn't feel any closer to understanding what she's supposed to do in order to be a girlfriend.

***

Once they are back in Tokyo, the Guardians decide to attend a festival in order to have a public, anonymous setting to meet their families. It's a practical decision, and getting dressed up isn't necessary. But Sae still asks Reika to help her look pretty, and spends the morning letting Reika paint her face with makeup and twist her hair in an elaborate hairstyle.

Gunnar tells her she looks nice, which makes her happy.

At the festival, Sae and Gunnar are both surprised to see Gunnar's parents. Sae knew that her boyfriend was going to meet her parents today, but she wasn't prepared to meet his.

As Mrs. Stigandison grabs Gunnar and sobs against her son's chest, Sae stands silently, feeling out of place and awkward. She tries smiling and hope she doesn't look weird. The strange clothing and makeup make her feel stiff.

The first thing that Gunnar's father says upon seeing her is, "Are all the girls you hang out with this pretty?"

She doesn't even remember what Gunnar says after that; she just stares at Mr. Stigandison with wide eyes and a dry mouth. This is exactly what she hoped to achieve when she asked Reika for help: to look pretty. But now she doesn't know what to do with it. If she were Reika, she could put on a winning smile and charm Gunnar's father. If she were Reika, she would know how to wield her prettiness.

It would be easier if he complimented her battle prowess instead - or, since it wasn't really possible to discuss the war against the devils in public, at least her athleticism. Then she would be able to say something back, at least. But the prettiness doesn't feel like it's hers.

Here at the festival, when all the young people are dressed up and on dates, she and Gunnar seem out of place. The things that make them special or impressive on the battlefield, as Guardians, are no longer obvious.

Gunnar's father asks casually if he's staying out of trouble. Sae answers before she can stop herself, "Gunnar works really hard to take care of everyone. He makes sure nothing happens to us and he takes care of us better than he does himself. He's very reliable."

Mr. Stigandison smiles at that, and Sae feels relieved. He wasn' t really worried about Gunnar, she could tell; he has confidence in his son. Still, she wanted to make sure he and Gunnar's mother know for sure, the ways in which their son does well.

***

The morning after the festival, she and Gunnar are back in their element - wearing workout clothing and beating each other up in the hotel gym. It's early enough that they have the room to themselves, and Sae no longer feels the pressure of outside judgment upon them.

Once, she was jealous of Gunnar. She wanted to be the strongest - the one best able to protect Reika, the one the devils feared most, the one who didn't need to rely on his help to protect herself.

She still wants to become stronger, still trains with Gunnar with the goal of matching and surpassing him. But she no longer feels the old kind of jealousy. There was an urgency, an almost fear, behind the competition before. Now, when she thinks about his strength, she doesn't feel like it's a threat.

Sae doesn't know exactly when that changed. Having a crush on him certainly helped reduce her hostility, but that wasn't all of it. It was also important that he never made fun of her for being weaker, never rubbed it in that he could beat her. She also discovered eventually that she wasn't losing anything to Gunnar. He didn't try to make Reika like him better for being able to protect her better than Sae; he didn't try to shove himself ahead of her in any way.

She isn't sure how he does it - winning without taking anything. But she's grateful.

Thinking about this brings a smile to her lips, as she and Gunnar take a break from fighting to talk about fighting. Nowadays, they're used to their conversations including whatever ghost teacher is hovering over Gunnar's shoulder for the day. At least they're good for providing insight, even if they are a pain when it comes to Gunnar and Sae's privacy.

Sae likes these conversations, when Gunnar talks to her about what he's learned from his teachers. Each one teaches him a different school of fighting, and Sae herself has picked up some techniques from a few of the styles. What she's most interested in, however, is the unique character that has emerged in Gunnar's style, which seems to be growing into a separate school of its own.

When she tells him this, Gunnar frowns. "Not mine. Ours."

Sae blinks. "Huh?"

"I developed all of this with your help. I learn whenever we spar, just like I learn when I spar with -" he waves a hand at his shoulder, where Rumi floats, smiling, "- them."

Sae nods and flushes, surprised at how happy Gunnar's words make her feel. It's certainly not the most eloquent compliment she has received - she remembers beaming praises laid upon her by school teachers, or awed comments made about her by classmates. Those compliments never made her feel this warm. They never came from someone she respected this much, and whose respect she wanted to earn so strongly. She never cared this much about not only impressing someone, but also helping them.

She doesn't know how to say this to Gunnar. He is sitting relaxed, with his hands resting on his knees, looking at her with an open and undemanding expression, completely unaware of the influence he has over her.

But being wordless around him doesn't scare her quite as much as it used to, so she lets the silence stretch out while she looks at him. She knows that Gunnar isn't pretty. He has even, casually and without resentment, called himself ugly. His hulking frame is taller than seems natural for a person, particularly a teenaged boy. And even without his scars, his body is clearly made for roughness and endurance, rather than elegance. His eyes are bright with intelligence, but made awkward in a sharply lined face that looks better suited to taking blows than expressing insights.

Gunnar wouldn't be called "cute" by her old classmates. He wouldn't be showered with chocolates on Valentine's Day, or find love notes tucked into his shoes. The girls Sae went to school with would overlook Gunnar's blunt, unpolished kindness, or the strength of will that flows into his very flesh, making his body itself a statement of his determination, able to withstand physical damage or magical power that would kill a normal person.

She reaches over and takes one of his hands. It is larger than hers, and her fingers are longer - but their palms feel the same, warm and rough with thick calluses. She looks at his wide mouth - a mouth often drawn back in a snarl during battle, or compressed in a grim line when talking strategy, or - less often - curved in a broad, gentle smile. It is smiling right now. Smiling at her.

Sae closes her hand around his and pulls him with her as she gets to her feet. "Let's keep going," she says.