sigelphoenix

Title: Sisterly Advice
Characters: Sae and Reika
Warmakers Adventure: 18
Word Count: ~2500
Summary: Sae comes to her sister for some much-needed advice regarding her conversation with Gunnar.
Notes: Email RP written with shadawyn.

The night after the crash, and Subopp's suicide, and discovering the dwarven historical records of devil invasions, the Guardians finally get a chance to relax and catch their breath. Sae and Reika are in their designated bedroom, getting ready for sleep, when Sae says, "Reika ... can I get your advice on something?"

Reika looks up from her laptop. "Of course you can! Although I don't know how much use I can be. Are you all right?"

Sae nods, though her expression is far from 'all right.' In fact, she looks vaguely panicked. "It's Gunnar. I think ... he knows."

"He knows what? About the thing on our dossiers? Our parents' work?" Reika doesn't seem to get what Sae is freaked out about.

"No, about - about me." Sae's voice rises in volume on the last word, and she looks around quickly, as if expecting someone to come and ask what the noise is about. "He asked me if I like him!" she wails, but at the volume of a whisper.

"Really?" Reika smiles claps her hands together in a gesture that Sae wasn't expecting. "When? Did he sound happy? Did you tell him yes?" She looks around for a moment, although it's unclear what exactly she's looking for. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be with him?"

Sae is stopped short by her sister's reaction, and her despairing expression falters, replaced by confusion for a moment. "Huh?" She blinks. "With ...? But he didn't - it wasn't like that ... I mean, he wasn't asking me out or anything. He just asked me if I liked him. I think he noticed that I - well, I wasn't trying to be nice to him like a girlfriend or anything, I was just trying to be his friend - but I think he must have misinterpreted it, and ... and now he knows, and I don't know what to do."

Reika giggles for a few seconds and then stops. "Sorry, oneesan. You probably think I'm being mean." She folds her hands in her lap. "You're deluding yourself. You're leaning on a crutch." She sighs, like she's replaying something in her mind. "That I gave you. Again. Yes, you were trying to be his friend, and you were trying to be his friend because you wanted to see how he felt about you before you got too committed into things. It was a baby step. He noticed. So what? Did you tell him that you liked him when he asked? Has it even occurred to you that he could be just as nervous as you are? That maybe it took him courage just to ask you if you liked him?" Reika shakes her head.

"But just because he noticed doesn't mean - I mean, he didn't say anything about how he feels, and -" Sae trails off, some of the hopelessness in her voice now replaced by doubt. "He just looked so unhappy the whole time, because he - well, I thought he felt bad about hurting my feelings ..."

Reika realizes she's having an Ichiro-moment when all she can think is What? You make no sense!

So she takes a deep breath. "What did you say when he asked if you liked him?"

"I said I liked all of the Guardians ... sort of."

"And how did he take that?"

"Well ... I thought that would get him to stop fussing about it, but it didn't work. I probably should have come up with something more plausible to throw him off ..." She trails off when she sees the look on Reika's face. Her sister can be scary when she's stern. "Um, well, he kept talking about doing things to pay me back or something. I think he's trying to make it up to me."

"Why are you trying to throw him off?" (At this point in the anime, Reika is a little flailing chibi.) She takes a deep breath and regains her composure. "Okay, sit down." She waits for her sister to comply and runs her fingers through Sae's ponytail.

"Now. I bet when he said he wants to pay you back or make it up to you or whatever it is, he means he wants to be nice to you, too, but he isn't sure how to do that without making you nervous. He's not a malicious person, and he's not... um... complex... enough, I think, to be playing you. He's smart, but he's not like me or Ichiro. I don't think he really has some sort of agenda he's playing at. He's just a good person.

"Did you see today, when you were fighting the ice devil? He had the ice devil ready to knock down, and he stepped aside and let you attack it instead, right?" Reika decides, for the moment, she's not going to go into how messed up that is as an act of kindness. "He knew you wanted a dance to go in and, um, do you thing, and he let you. Because you wanted to. So he was trying to do something nice for you, too."

"I know." Sae frowns up at her sister, as if Reika were arguing with her that yes, the sky is blue. "Of course he's being nice. Gunnar is nice, even if he isn't always ... well, elegant about it." She sighs. "He probably just feels weird now, and he's trying to be nice to me so I don't feel bad. But I don't need him to be nice. I just wish he was more dense and hadn't figured it out."

"What is the point of liking someone if you aren't ever going to let them figure it out and give them the opportunity to let you know whether or not they like you back? Then you're just sitting out in limbo and you don't get to go forward or backwards.

"I'm sure he feels weird. He feels weird because he got the courage to come to you, and you brushed him off, oneesan. You wanted my advice? My advice is to go to him and tell him the truth and give him a chance to actually answer you back."

Sae bristles at her sister's words. "If he meant it that way, then it's his fault for asking me first and making me freak out like that!"

"Do you realize the words coming out of your mouth make no sense, oneesan?"

"What!" she yelps. She wants to say, 'I make perfect sense,' but the moment she thinks the words she knows they're false. She slumps back into a placid sitting position. "But then what does make sense? Why didn't he just tell me that he - I mean, if he -" She shakes her head as if to clear it. "If you're right, and he likes me, why didn't he say so instead of - of - interrogating me?"

"From what you've told me, he asked if you liked him. He was probably doing the same thing you do, oneesan. He didn't want to say anything more until you did. He's just as uncomfortable about people as you are and putting himself out there. So when you said you didn't like him more than anyone else, then he wasn't about to step forward and admit anything himself, right? You wouldn't have. Someone has to bend first, oneesan." Reika smiles, just a little bit. "I used to think it took the weaker person to bend to the stronger one, but I've changed my mind. I think it's the stronger person who has to learn how and when to be the one who bends."

"You're right, Reika," Sae says, chagrined. "But I don't think that Gunnar would ... I mean, I know why I would - oh ..." Enlightenment dawns painfully on Sae's face. "... my ... god ..."

Reika waits patiently for Sae to restructure that expression of words into a coherent sentence.

Sae doesn't manage to say anything different, but she does manage to say the same thing in a different way. "Oh my god," she blurts, then buries her face in her hands and starts to cry.

Reika awkwardly rubs her sister's back, since she's used to being the cry-baby twin. She gives her sister a few minutes of silence to calm down before she tries to talk at her.

"I ruined everything - I always ruin -" she hiccups and wipes her nose. "Why did I ruin everything? He'll never talk to me again, will he?"

"Of course you didn't. He was nice to you today. By, uh, giving you the chance to attack that devil, instead of hogging it all to himself..." Reika pauses at that, glad that's not Ichiro's idea of a romantic gesture. She pulls her sister to her, I think this is the first time I've seen her cry. At least since before the Yucatan. What's wrong with us? "You didn't ruin anything, and you never ruin anything anyway. Just go to him, apologize. Be honest. Just tell him you panicked. He'll understand."

"Oh, that," Sae says, distracted. "That was just," she hiccups, "Gunnar is good at coordinating attacks when he hangs back, so if he stayed behind me, well ..." she shrugs. "It's a power from God, I think. Um ..."

Her crying fit has abated while she talked about tactics, and now Sae has regained her faculties, and her breath, enough to be embarrassed. "I do want to talk to him. I want to explain everything and say I'm sorry. But I'm ..." Her mouth twists in a grimace at the unpalatable word. "I'm afraid. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way. Or maybe he did, but now he doesn't think it's worth the trouble. Or maybe ... I don't know. I want to make him feel better, but if I wish it wasn't so hard to do that."

"I really don't think it was the power of God that held him back. Ichiro and I both saw what he did from the mirror. It's okay to believe he did something for you because he thought it would make you happy or satisfied."

"Gunnar believes in forgiveness, oneesan. Even if you were off-putting to him, he'll forgive you for it. Just talk to him. Then, at least, you'll know what's going on in his head." Reika kisses her sister's temple. "It'll be fine, one way or the other. We have ice cream, remember?"

Well, she thinks. We will once we get back to earth...

Sae cringes a little at being reminded of her promise. She can no more break a promise she made to Reika than Ichiro can break one of his blood things. "Right. I'll talk to him. But could you ... well, could you tell me what to say? I always end up blurting something stupid around Gunnar."

"Just tell him you're sorry about--whenever it was you guys had this conversation, and he caught you off guard and you panicked. Then see what he says and go from there. Maybe you can ask him if you can try starting things over. That worked for Ichiro."

Sae nods. "Okay. 'I'm sorry about yesterday,'" she mumbles, half to herself, as if practicing. "That doesn't sound bad." She looks up at her sister sheepishly, rubbing at her damp cheeks. "Sorry for crying on you."

Reika smiles and touches her sister's cheek. "I cried on you earlier. It's good to cry sometimes, you know."

Sae rubs her red, drippy nose. "I'm glad only you saw me, though.

She looks up at Reika with a frown. "You know, you can tell me if Ichiro did something to you. I won't even hurt him if you don't want me to. But you seemed really sad."

"Oh no, he didn't do anything. I'm just... just... really stressed. You know, like at the hot springs. Everyone wants to know what we're doing next and what the plan is, and it's kind of like that all over again, but on this sort of cosmic level. Literally.

"Anyway! Maybe I can help a little with, um, magic? I could give you advice in your head. Although." Reika pauses and frowns. "If Gunnar found out, he might not like it."

Sae looks skeptical, but Reika meets her scrutiny with that impenetrable cheery demeanor, so she just resolves to keep a close eye on her sister - and maybe Ichiro too.

So she just lets Reika change the subject. But she shakes her head at her sister's suggestion. "Even if he didn't figure it out, I'd want Gunnar to hear me. Does that make sense? Even ... even if I forget your advice and don't say things right." She speaks slowly, as if discovering each word as she says it. "I guess ... I want to be honest with Gunnar, even if doesn't get me what I want." She looks up at her sister with a shrug, smiling and looking worried at the same time.

Reika lets out a small breath.

"Good. I'm glad. I mean, I'd help if you wanted me too, but it's better if you two handle it on your own and learn to communicate and be honest." Reika has this slightly guilty feeling of not taking her own advice. Still, if she can get Gunnar and Sae off and strong footing, maybe they won't have as many problems...

"So, what are you going to say to him? Maybe if you practice saying it to me, you won't panic and freeze up in a blank when you go and talk to him."

"Okay. Umm ..." She takes a breath. "First, 'I'm sorry about yesterday.' And then, 'I didn't mean to hurt your feelings'?" She looks uncertain. "Do I have to tell him I like him?"

Reika thinks about it for a moment. She thinks about what she would do, and then what she'd actually tell her sister to do.

"I think you should. Because that's what he asked you in the first place. Just get it out in the air. It'll be better that way. Then he'll know, and you'll know how he takes it, and then you can move forward from there, whatever that is."

"But -" The protest rises to her lips, but she doesn't have anything to back it up with. Gunnar won't make fun of her saying she likes him - and if he did she would beat him up, but he isn't that kind of person. The worst thing he would do is tell her he didn't feel the same way ... and the thought makes her feel sick to her stomach, no matter how much she tries to adopt Reika's positive attitude.

There's always the ice cream promise. She clings to the thought.

"Okay. I'll tell him. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and I like you'?"

"That is simple and to the point," Reika says. "So it's good." She nods to further enunciate her approval.