sigelphoenix

Title: The Direct Approach
Characters: Sae and Gunnar
Warmakers Adventure: 17
Word Count: ~2400
Summary: Gunnar and Sae talk. Which doesn't necessarily mean that they communicate.
Notes: Based off of a conversation role-played with ratzeo.



Sae likes the prospect of waking up and going to train with Gunnar. She has only done this for a few mornings now, during the time they've been on the hobgoblins' spacecraft, but it's enough for her to know that it makes her happy.

She doesn't have to think of things to say, or worry about how to act normally. She just gets to challenge herself, and Gunnar, and they make themselves stronger. All her excess energy, all her impatience at being stuck in space with no way to contribute to the mission, all the restlessness built up in her body at going too long without the adrenaline-fueled exhilaration of battle - all of these pour out of her cleanly, in the sweat and the breath she pushes out of her body. And she gets to just ... be with Gunnar.

It's a good feeling, to have something regular and reliable that's so pleasant. Something that doesn't involve fretting about space travel, or wondering when the devils will attack them next, or that weird thing about her and Reika that her sister found in Filge's files - which obviously isn't real, of course, I mean they know they weren't adopted, and it must all be a false trail planted by Seta. But still. It's another potential complication to worry about. And she doesn't have to think about any of these complications when she's sparring with Gunnar.

This morning, she gets to the room they have designated as the training room, and goes inside to meet Gunnar. Only to find that Gunnar is missing his hair.

Well, not all of it is missing. But most of it is gone - the shaggy mane around his shoulders, and even much of what was on his head, leaving only ragged ends that are occasionally too short to lay flat. It looks as if someone has cut pieces of his hair at random lengths, or that Gunnar has done the cliché and put his head into a blender. Which Sae isn't entirely sure is impossible, since he probably has some freaky power that would let him do that and survive.

This also leaves his neck exposed, so that the scars that poke above the collar of his turtleneck are now obvious to even a casual glance.

Sae realizes she's staring dumbly, and tries to think of something. "You -" she begins, then realizes that You cut your hair isn't the most insightful of comments. "I can -" comes out next, before she rejects I can see your scars as a good conversation opener. Finally she settles on, "Umm ... why did you cut your hair?"

Gunnar touches the ends of his hair self-consciously. "I think ... it's better if I show you," he says, and falls into a battle-ready crouch.

Okay ... Sae decides to play along. Her hands go to her waist and pull out her scimitars, which are tied in place in their sheaths, as she always has them for training sessions. Even if she's confused, her body is sure, and she runs forward quickly, balancing on the balls of her feet.

Their sparring match starts out normally, though Gunnar holds back a little, feinting and dodging without really committing to an attack, as if he's waiting for something.

She finds out just what when his fist starts to glow with a piercing white light. She barely has time to think, That's new, before he strikes, with the surprising speed that always seems contrary to his massive size. And then she doesn't think, as his blow catches her full on the face with a force that makes her vision go starry, then spin - or maybe that's the room - before her body hits the ground and slides along the floor, coming to a rest against the far wall.

... Ow.

"... Ow," she says, when she finally regains her faculties. She sits up, but decides to stay on the floor for now. She doesn't think she could stand very well at the moment. "That's ... different."

"Yeah." Gunnar doesn't come to help her up, which makes her feel obscurely pleased. He never helps her when they're sparring, or calls off the fight, unless she is injured enough to ask for healing magic. "I noticed something different when we faced Filge, new abilities that... appeared in my head while we were in battle. I don't know them, I just ... get instructions about how to use them."

Sae looks askance at him as if he were the one hit in the head, at the same time massaging the emerging bump on her own cheek. "Have you checked with Ichiro or Reika to see if you might be possessed?"

She realizes as the words come out of her mouth that they might not go over well, but Gunnar doesn't seem offended. He just shakes his head and says, "I don't think so. I don't sense Shadow in myself. It's ..." He runs his hand through his hair with a movement that indicates he still expects it to be longer. "I've chosen to use these abilities, my strength, as a soldier of God. And I think ... God has decided to make it official."

O ... kay. This is something good for Gunnar, she realizes. He attached to Catholicism so strongly after they stayed at the Vatican, that receiving a direct endorsement by God - if that's what these new powers are about - must make him happy. There's no reason she should feel weird about what's happening to him.

Or jealous.

"So ... God told you to cut your hair?" she asks, attempting to sound supportive, and taking care not to add, badly?

"If I'm a soldier, I ought to look like a proper one." He rubs at his neck sheepishly, where his scars are now visible. "And worrying about these seemed silly."

Sae nods. "A proper soldier has scars."

Gunnar's mouth twists into an unpleasant expression. "Not scars like these. I didn't earn them in battle."

Sae frowns, feeling intensely curious about his unspoken history, but mutely shy about asking. "Well ... a soldier is scarred, no matter where he got the scars from. None of us care how you look. That's just what a soldier looks like. And that's ... that's good." She catches her breath and flushes at the idea that she's finally told him, indirectly, that he looks good. She looks down and suddenly finds the bindings on her scimitars very interesting.

But Gunnar doesn't seem to notice her embarrassment, because he sinks his forehead into his hand and groans. "Everybody knows, don't they? I've been covering up myself like an idiot for months, and ... Gah." The hand against his forehead pulls back and re-collides with his skull with a dull thump. He sighs but doesn't say anything, frowning at his own hand.

Crap, he's unhappy, Sae thinks. Make him happy again!

"Uh ... well ... I don't know about everyone else. But even if they all saw your scars, they don't care or think you're ugly or anything." She runs out of words and can't think of anything else to say when she meets Gunnar's eyes.

He's frowning at her. He still doesn't look happy. She tries to think of how else to make him stop feeling bad - how to encourage him to feel pride in the way his body has recorded his survival, rather than worrying about what other people think when they see a body that isn't normal.

She's still trying to think when he says, "Sae, do you like me?"

The world goes blank.

And returns with a rushing noise that seems to grow louder, like an oncoming train.

"... what."

Ohgodohgodheknowsquickactnaturalpretendyoudon'tknowwhathe'stalkingaboutDAMNYOUICHIROIBETTHISISYYOURFAULTifyouactlikeyoudon'tknowwhathemeansmaybehe'llbelieveyou - maybe you can still be friends -

"Yeah!" she bursts out, more loudly than she intended. "Yeah, I like all of the Guardians - okay, maybe not everyone, but I'm sort of friends with some of them - like Reika, of course, and maybe Miya? And Ichiro though I don't know why and so - yeah - I mean, I like you. Sure."

She attempts a smile. She's not sure what it looks like on her face.

Gunnar gives her a perplexed frown, and she feels her stomach sink. It seems to sit at the level of her feet, making her feel ill while she waits, wishing for something to break the silence but afraid to say anything that will make her sound dumber.

Finally Gunnar says, "You've been doing a lot of nice things for me lately." She tries not to hear it as an accusation. "For a while, really. And I didn't notice until recently. I didn't appreciate any of it."

Sae clings to the hope that Gunnar didn't mean "like" in that way. She was, after all, just following Reika's advice about earning his friendship. And she tries hard not to think about why he's frowning, because the possibility feels like a pit whose edge she could tumble over at any second.

Tries not to think about a soldier of God who realizes a scimitar-waving crazy girl is hanging around too much. Tries not to think about a guy laughing with his suave, girl-magnet best friend at the awkward girl who makes an idiot of herself trying to act like his pal.

But Gunnar isn't the type to laugh at people. No, he hasn't laughed at her at all yet. He probably just feels bad because he thinks that she's been trying to do things for him like a girlfriend - which she hasn't - and doesn't want to hurt her feelings. And he won't make fun of her for something like that.

"You don't have to ... I don't need appreciation. You don't have to pay me back or anything." She tries to laugh casually, a weak noise.

"Uh. Good."

Silence falls on them like a smothering blanket.

Sae risks a look at Gunnar, and sees him frowning at his feet. He still doesn't look happy.

"It's really not a big deal. I mean, it's not like I did much." It doesn't mean anything! Stop thinking I'm weird! "The others do way bigger stuff all the time, because they're good at ... y'know. This stuff."

"I ... want to do things back. For you."

... oh, she thinks, and feels her chest tighten.

Don't get distracted! she yells at herself. Then she clears her throat. "You don't have to, you know. I mean, the training has been good. It's what I need. It's ... good. But you don't have to."

"But I want to."

"But I mean you don't have to."

"I know."

"Okay."

"Okay."

It is silent again.

Sae's breath sounds loud in her ears, while at the same time she doesn't feel like she's getting enough air. Sweat prickles on her skin, a different and much less comfortable feeling than the sweat she works up through sparring. She tries to think of something to say to break the awkward silence, but comes up with nothing.

Gunnar seems to feel just as uneasy. "So ..." he finally says. "I guess everything is okay." He looks pretty displeased to be saying something like that, but Sae takes what she can get.

"Right."

"Except your face."

Sae tries not to flinch. "Yeah. I should go find Miya."

To Sae's dismay, Gunnar follows her to the door with the apparent intention of accompanying her. "I can get to Miya by myself," she says defensively, before it occurs to her that he might might be sporting some unpleasant bruises and want healing for himself.

If only her mind worked faster, so she could think of these things before she opened her mouth.

"You might have a concussion," he replies. He doesn't seem to be insulted by what she said, either because he didn't notice that it was rude, or he did and he just doesn't mind. Either one could be true, when it comes to Gunnar; and that's one of the reasons Sae is glad to be around him.

"A concussion. Right. Maybe," Sae says, reflexively starting to rub her temple as if that will help. "Maybe that explains it," she mutters under her breath.

"Explains what?"

It's easy to forget how freakishly good Gunnar's hearing is.

"Uh ... I think I might be hearing things." It's a cover story, but Sae wonders if it might not be true. "So, um, sorry if I said anything weird. I might have. I probably did."

"Hearing things? Like what?"

"Um ... nothing. Just, uh, if I said anything weird. Sorry. Concussion."

"What weird things?"

When the hell did Gunnar become such a chatterbox? Sae thinks to herself. She can't remember the last time he voluntarily extended a conversation like this.

"Anything weird. Just ignore whatever I've said. If it was weird," Sae says, and finds herself thinking, for perhaps the first time ever, Hopefully this will shut Gunnar up.

It does. Gunnar is quiet, leaving Sae to stew in her thoughts. Their footsteps echo in the metal of the hallway.

"Ichiro ..." Sae ventures, "... keeps his promises, right?"

Gunnar is silent for a beat. He's probably giving her a weird look, but she doesn't want to look up and see. "Yeah. Why are you asking me?"

"Because you're his friend." And if Gunnar knows that Ichiro keeps his promises, then she shouldn't worry that Ichiro told him about Sae's feelings for him. He promised she wouldn't get hurt, so he wouldn't humiliate her like that. Right?

It makes sense. But logic is a meager reassurance to her frantically beating heart.

"Are we -" Gunnar cuts off so abruptly that Sae looks up at him. A faint frown creases his forehead, and he seems to be trying to find words. "Are we ... normal?"

Sae can't help it. She starts laughing, and the sound has a vaguely hysterical edge to it. Gunnar looks a little alarmed, so she bites her lip. "We're not normal people."

"I mean us," Gunnar explains. "You and me. Our relationship. Is it normal?"

"Yeah! Yeah, totally normal." Sae grabs the opportunity and clings to it. "We are very normal. I mean, probably not as normal as people like Reika and stuff, because she's better with people than I am, but we're normal for, you know, you and me. Yeah."

"Okay. Uh ... that's good."

"Yeah," Sae says. "... Good."