sigelphoenix

Two (and a half) adventures in, and ratzeo has me writing fic for his game. I don't know if that's cool, or sad. :P

My character in this game is Nexus, a construct based off of the Warforged race from the Eberron campaign setting (just with a different origin story). It is three years old, and has spent over two years wandering on its own, since it killed the man who once controlled it. It is a chaotic neutral Crusader whose powers are granted by Tempus, deity of warriors. (It also eschews gender identity, for reasons I'll probably write about later.)

In this story, it has just survived a battle against a cult of evil werewolves who threatened to overrun a human town. Lyson (played by Rommel) is its faithful sidekickhuman companion. Other characters who show up are Anora (zinjadu, Luth (Kindra), Levanter (casaval), and Buron (niwatorimegami). Those may or may not be the correct spellings of their names.

War Trophies

After the Battle of the Blood Moon, Nexus spends a long time working on itself.

The werewolves' attack has left it far more damaged than anything Nexus can remember for a long, long time - three months, at least. It takes the entirety of the first day for itself, tending to the chips in its adamantine shell, the cracks in its wooden sinew and stone. Using its motley collection of tools - some taken from its original maker when it escaped Eshperta, a few picked up on the road during its travels, and some from the gnome it had spent those weeks with - it works on repairing the damage.

The process is somewhere between the crafting of cold, unliving weapons, and the divine healing of human flesh that Lyson performs. The wood portions are supple under its ministrations, and can be coaxed to regrow; pieces of silver and adamantine that are replaced gradually reconnect to its main body with faint cracking noises, reminiscent of the sounds of animals' passage through a forest.

This is the closest that Nexus comes to being able to create something.

The physical labor is the only thing Nexus can think of to do, a productive and efficient use of its talents. The activity reminds the construct of its early life, spent wandering alone, fighting alone, and repairing itself alone. This time, though, there are humans all around it, attempting to heal themselves as well; they bleed wet blood onto the ground while the clerics tend to them. Even though the forces from Secumber have broken the siege and accomplished their goal of driving off the cult of Malar, there is more to do; their purpose has not been satisfied. But Nexus' ability to contribute to it has finished, and so it turns its labor to repairing itself.

Lyson is among the clerics of Selune, helping as much as he can, even though he is much younger than them, even by human standards. Nexus feels like Lyson needs something else that it cannot provide - which is strange, because Nexus has kept the young man alive, and the other humans provide him with food. Something bothers Lyson, and he displays his distress openly in the way that only young humans seem to do.

Nexus does not quite understand what Lyson is feeling, though it is clear that his worries are related to the bloody battle they just finished. He doesn't function correctly, even though he is applying his abilities as a cleric to the task at hand, as he is supposed to do. Nexus' own functioning seems to follow the same pattern.

***

That evening, the clerics of Selune perform a ritual to heal the survivors infected with lycanthropy. Anora is among them, bound in manacles and looking nervous as the moon rises.

The other infected humans do not change. They are cured. Anora still changes, her body shaping into the lupine form that attacked Nexus the night before as it attempted to carry her to the clerics. For some reason, Nexus does not feel surprise; the construct is not sure whether that is because this is what should have happened, or merely what must happen.

The clerics crowd around Anora, who remains calm despite her physical change because of their protective magic. They consult with Luth and the others, learning about how she was bitten by Rand several days earlier. Nexus does not stay to talk. The others are taking care of it, and, as per usual, humans prefer to talk with other humans before they talk to the construct. Once humans talk to Nexus, they generally find that they like it, but prior to that they remain wary and confused.

Leaving the burial mound where the clerics are working, Nexus descends to the foot of the hill where it has buried Rand. It looks at the fresh grave, remembering how much the humans worried about werewolves coming back to life, and checks to make sure the dirt hasn't been disturbed.

Satisfied, it bends its body to sit against a tree. It picks up the pouch it borrowed from Lyson, which it has tied to sheath of its greatsword. Inside is the lock of hair that Nexus cut from Rand's head before burying his body. It shakes the hair out onto its palm.

Nexus wonders what the hair feels like in a non-construct hand. It feels weight and size, but it has deduced that its awareness of texture isn't as sharp as non-constructs. It has been told that hair can be soft, though it is usually coarse from its owners working in the dirt and sun. Anora, being a princess, probably has soft hair; Rand, who spent his time trapping in the Misty Forest, probably has rough hair.

Nexus tries to understand why it kept the lock of hair. It does this sometimes, has to examine itself after it performs an action without thinking about it and later doesn't remember why. This has typically happened when it has spent a lot of time around non-constructs, such as the gnome, or the soldier who followed it out of Eshperta. Now there's Lyson, and also Anora, Luth, Buron, and Levanter. Any one of them could have influenced its behavior.

But it doesn't know which of the humans would have prompted it to keep a part of the man who tried to kill it - who attacked the construct from behind when it was trying to understand what he was going through. Other humans had done the same before, but they usually ran away or attacked Nexus in fear, whereas Rand targeted him with hateful ferocity, growling that it was unnatural. And anyway, Nexus had never wanted to keep part of those other humans. Or buried them if they died.

Nexus continues to think, examining memories and feelings. It remembers something the clerics said, about lycanthropy causing people to act differently - adopting the moral behavior of the creatures who infected them. The clerics told them this offhandedly to explain Anora's violent actions, but to Nexus the information seems vitally important.

Anora had been able to enter the circle of protective moonlight cast by the clerics of Selune, and regain her own mind. On the other hand, many of the werewolves who were part of the cult entered the circle and continued to fight anyway, because their natural identity was the same as the ones who infected them. Rand had never touched the moonlight, so Nexus did not know how he would have acted.

Maybe he would have behaved the same way. Maybe he still would have attacked Secumber, and maybe he still would have tried to kill Nexus. But Nexus knew that doing something because someone forced you to was very different from doing that same thing because you wanted to.

Nexus looks down at the fresh dirt of the grave. "I didn't find out if you got to choose," it says.

Nexus no longer feels like it needs to sit at the grave. It stands up and puts away Rand's hair.

***

Lyson seems better once they return to Secumber. He has spent a lot of time at the temple of Deneir, talking with the clerics there, and when he returns to their room at the inn he seems less troubled.

Nexus talks to him, the first time that it has started a real conversation with the human since the battle. It wants to talk and ask questions, and Lyson - besides being one of the few people who will talk to Nexus seriously - is also wiser than other humans Nexus has met, even ones who are older. Also, Lyson is always cheerful, even when he is talking to Nexus. Normally humans who talk to it are nervous or unpleasant.

Nexus asks Lyson about death; the subject has weighed heavily on Lyson's mind since the carnage of the battle, but since both he and Nexus had so many questions, neither of them had been able to help the other. Now Lyson seems to understand a little better, and so the human and the construct talk about the deaths they so recently witnessed. Some of their conversation is sad, some of it curious, some of it comforting.

Nexus has never needed comforting from Lyson before. Normally it is the one protecting the small human, in a physical way. Even when they talk, the conversation is usually casual, with Lyson teaching Nexus in order to supplement the learning that was interrupted when the construct left Eshperta. Lyson is the first person whom Nexus has asked things of, and also the first person who has been willing to provide them.

Nexus shares that it feels sad about the deaths of the people who fought for Secumber, even though it has not felt this way about previous battles, such as its time in the Eshperta military. Death has always seemed normal, an accepted part of how the world works. After all, people believed that the deities they worshipped would take care of them after they died - even Nexus assumed that Gond, the creative force behind its construction, would do something when Nexus' body no longer existed. Or maybe Tempus, its patron, would give it a warrior's reward. Surely the people who died at the Battle of the Blood Moon had something similar.

Most importantly, these people died while they were doing something they chose to do. That was even better than some of the werewolves who died.

Nexus tells Lyson all this, and Lyson doesn't laugh, or look at it funny the way humans do when it talks about death. He tells it what he thinks - about how death cuts off a unique life, even if the person chooses the actions that lead to death - and helps Nexus figure out its own feelings. Because of this, it tells him about Rand - what happened when they met, when Rand attacked it, and then at the battle when it regained consciousness and found Rand's body. It tells him that it feels sad about Rand, even though he wasn't a good man, and Nexus is glad that he was defeated.

"Do you know what empathy is?" Lyson asks. Nexus knows the definition of the word, so it nods. "I think you felt that for Rand, because you know what it's like not to get to choose your own identity."

Nexus thinks for a while, its body staying perfectly still while Lyson breathes and fidgets the way that humans do. Then it nods. "You're very smart, Lyson." It has been saying that a lot lately.

Lyson smiles at it.

***

Anora, Luth, Levanter, and Buron are in the common room of the inn, inebriating themselves.

Nexus tries to understand why they do this, but their explanations don't make much sense. They seem to involve tampering with memory and enjoying urination. Apparently humans wanted those things after fighting.

Anora has been healed, and is back to her own identity. That makes Nexus glad, though it is also glad that the healing took several days longer than it should have.

Again, Nexus examines its thought patterns. When she was a werewolf, Anora was not allowed to choose how she would be. Like Rand. Like Nexus.

Now she has regained the ability to choose. She cannot forget how important that is. Especially since she has told Nexus that she is a princess, a human who will become a ruler of a kingdom.

Nexus has not found rulers to be very worthwhile people. They usually try to control others, especially if they're rich. But Anora has said that she's not very rich. And now she knows what it's like to be controlled.

Nexus returns to its room.

Once again Lyson helps it, giving it parchment and a quill, as well as a piece of string to tie off part of Rand's hair. Part of the hair stays in the pouch tied to Nexus' sheath. It is werewolf hair, and probably feels coarse.

Nexus chooses not to ask for Lyson's help with writing, even though it has limited practice with a quill. But it doesn't write much before it leaves the parchment, and the hair, with Anora's belongings.

Only a single word: Remember.