sigelphoenix

So.

It didn't go that badly.

I did my first C.O.R.E. presentation tonight, and as anyone whom I talked to about it knows, I was pretty nervous. Nothing catastrophic happened (and I knew it wouldn't), and I didn't lose my cool and yell at people (which I wasn't sure wouldn't).

My partner and I were assigned to a small fraternity that has been easy for C.O.R.E. in the past, which is fitting for our status as unexperienced presenters. As soon as I met my partner, there was a small crisis wherein we had to run back to the C.O.R.E. office for a missing projector cable - which was actually lucky, because it gave me a concrete problem to concentrate on rather than my nebulous worry. I could focus on fixing that instead of just being all "AHHH FREAKOUT." :P

After that was taken care of, we got to the fraternity and made our presentation without any major incident; I just had to adjust myself to the inevitable disappointment of, well ... working with a fraternity.

Now, I'm not relying on stereotypes about "frat boys," because those are about as reliable as stereotypes about geeks. But the thing is, fraternity guys are normal. I'm used to hanging out with a slightly more ... rarified, if you will, crowd. Geeks. Intellectuals. People who are used to engaging in critical thought and self-reflection.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that fraternity members aren't intelligent, or even geeky. However, the context is normalcy; fraternities are a social expression of normative masculinity. Even if individual members are not "normal" guys, the group as a whole is.

So we got "normal" guy behavior, including the regurgitation of tired ideas about gender that play into mainstream patterns of victim blaming: "all guys who see an attractively-dressed woman think of her sexually," "women put themselves in situations that lead to rape," etc. None of this was said maliciously; probably the speakers didn't think they were being at all sexist. They certainly didn't have any qualms about saying these things when my co-presenter and I were the only females in a room full of guys. In fact, they were quite friendly with us. These behaviors are just ... normal. There was some variation, and some thoughtful comments, but the general standard of "non-sexist" behavior was far beneath what I usually see or expect.

I tried not to be discouraged or upset. I tried, with careful and conciliatory words, to prompt them to reconsider their positions and clue them in to the underlying misogyny of their statements. But of course there were no sudden, validating epiphanies. If I changed any minds, which I like to think I might have, it was in small and gradual ways. Sure, I was disappointed - but I'm well aware that the work I'm doing with C.O.R.E. is very much a compromise. If I want to engage in vigorous theory and push myself and others further in feminism, that's what my classes and blogging are for.

Other minor problems included rowdy "guy" behavior - people ragging on each other, making jokes about uncomfortable subjects (there were giggles during the reading of the definition of intercourse, good GOD), and loud laughter that made it hard to make myself heard. We plowed on through that pretty well, I think. The worst thing was after our presentation was over, when we were hanging around to wait for people to finish filling out their evaluations, and some of the guys started messing around and yelling things like "I just got raped!"

Look. I know that this topic is uncomfortable. I know that we often alleviate discomfort with jokes. But seriously. That was disappointing.

Luckily, my partner was a real trooper, and she pulled the fraternity president aside to tell him to make sure the guys knew that was not okay.

For my part (tooting my own horn, here), I think I had a pretty good moment when one of the guys started trotting out woes about false rape reports (by women, of course) and I explained to him that such cases were rare, and no more common than false reporting in any other felonies, according to federal statistics. My partner muttered, "shot down," and we got a good laugh.

That incident, though, might have been what prompted someone to write on his evaluation, "The white girl was sassy, I don't like her." I'm not even sure what that was about, whether the guy was making a poor attempt at a joke or he was really bothered by my partner's attitude. Assertive women are "bitchy" and all that.

There was another questionable comment. Part of the presentation was an interactive discussion about common assumptions we have on sexual violence, such as that women who dress "flirtatiously" are "inviting" sexual attention. (My position, which I got to communicate to a small degree, was that what's "flirtatious" can be misinterpreted by others, women might expect such attention but certainly aren't "inviting" men to act as if they are entitled to any sort of sexual activity, and that, of course, any sexual attention given must be consented to on the part of the recipient.) Anyway, one guy wrote on his evaluation, "You guys were hot. But not in a sexual flirtatious way."

Again, poorly made joke? Actual harassment? I can't say. I hate that our "hotness" was even a consideration when we're making a presentation about sexual violence. I also hate that, in a small way, I felt pleased by this appreciation of my looks - I mean, even though this was an anonymous guy from a fraternity I'll never enter again, and the comment was pretty tasteless, still I felt a certain amount of pleasure. Why? Because I was validated as attractive in the eyes of a heterosexual man, of course! *rolls eyes* I can understand why some women can feel flattered by sexual harassment because it's sexual attention - it's just so ingrained in us to crave this approval. It's tough to get rid of it.


Anyway. That was that. Not fantastic. But I can get better. And hell yes, you can be sure that I'll be doing this again.