posted by
sigelphoenix at 11:13am on 30/01/2008 under office monkeying, sexual violence and harassment
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It's funny sometimes, how subtle the line is between friendly and creepy teasing.
A delivery guy came to drop off a package for the office, and told me to "Sign and print your name ... and maybe your home phone number." It took me a second to process what he said, and by the time I looked up from signing to ask him to clarify, he said, "Just kidding." I laughed politely, and he added, "I just wanted to steal that smile." (He paused for a second before the word "steal"; I think he was searching for a word. He had the slight accent of someone whose first language is Spanish or maybe Italian.)
I didn't feel outright uncomfortable. The guy was definitely skirting the line, but didn't cross it in my mind, and I'm trying to figure out just why.
Here are the things that were counting against him:
-Older guy, maybe late 30s or 40s. I think my age (early twenties) is pretty easy to tell, and while it's not as bad as an older guy saying the same thing to a teenager, it's still not very okay to do.
-I couldn't tell immediately that he was joking, either through tone of voice or him saying "Just kidding" right after he made the joke.
On the other hand, some things tipped it over into the non-creepy side:
-Public setting, brightly lit office, not isolated from other people.
-His body language was casual; he neither got too close to me nor carried himself in a way that seemed suspicious skeevy.
-He backed off quickly when I smiled but didn't say anything, and didn't push for a further response.
I do think that it can be difficult to try flirting or bantering with someone without slipping into creepy/harassment territory. (Which does not mean I agree with the entitled whiners who complain that anti-sexual harassment efforts have ruined dating. All it means is that you need to pay attention to the other person's responses, and back off or apologize if necessary.) My own experience might have been read quite differently by someone else.
A delivery guy came to drop off a package for the office, and told me to "Sign and print your name ... and maybe your home phone number." It took me a second to process what he said, and by the time I looked up from signing to ask him to clarify, he said, "Just kidding." I laughed politely, and he added, "I just wanted to steal that smile." (He paused for a second before the word "steal"; I think he was searching for a word. He had the slight accent of someone whose first language is Spanish or maybe Italian.)
I didn't feel outright uncomfortable. The guy was definitely skirting the line, but didn't cross it in my mind, and I'm trying to figure out just why.
Here are the things that were counting against him:
-Older guy, maybe late 30s or 40s. I think my age (early twenties) is pretty easy to tell, and while it's not as bad as an older guy saying the same thing to a teenager, it's still not very okay to do.
-I couldn't tell immediately that he was joking, either through tone of voice or him saying "Just kidding" right after he made the joke.
On the other hand, some things tipped it over into the non-creepy side:
-Public setting, brightly lit office, not isolated from other people.
-His body language was casual; he neither got too close to me nor carried himself in a way that seemed suspicious skeevy.
-He backed off quickly when I smiled but didn't say anything, and didn't push for a further response.
I do think that it can be difficult to try flirting or bantering with someone without slipping into creepy/harassment territory. (Which does not mean I agree with the entitled whiners who complain that anti-sexual harassment efforts have ruined dating. All it means is that you need to pay attention to the other person's responses, and back off or apologize if necessary.) My own experience might have been read quite differently by someone else.
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