sigelphoenix

To get to work, I take one bus from my house to downtown, and then transfer to another bus that gets me close to my workplace. This morning, as I was getting on my second bus, a man sat down in the seat next to me. He looked youngish, maybe late twenties-early thirties, wore a dress shirt and slacks, and carried a copy of the Seattle Weekly. He asked me what I was reading, and I showed him the cover of my book (The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf); then he asked me what it was about (feminist theory on the role of "beauty" in society as a controlling force). He was sure it was interesting, he said, because he saw me reading it for a long time at the busstop.

I am always a little nervous when strangers talk to me, especially on the bus. But when he said that last thing, I felt very wary. He had been watching me? For a long time? At a downtown busstop? Why?

Of course I didn't feel seriously threatened. Like I said, the man was dressed in typical business wear; and while that isn't an indication of character, it did mean that he had business being downtown, and wasn't just hanging around watching women. And we were in a public place, etc. etc. I do remember, though, that thrill of worry I felt, however briefly, about this man who was talking to me.

There could be many reasons for feeling like this. The man was on a city bus, a site notorious for off-kilter people. He was older than me, perhaps a reason to be suspicious. He was black, so I could have been paranoid about criminal stereotypes. But even if all that wasn't true, I think I would have felt the same. The fact remains that a man I don't know, of any age or color, is a potential threat to me because I'm female. It's why I don't just protect my wallet when I'm downtown or walking on the north end of the Ave. It's why I become suddenly aware that my shirt has a low collar and zip up my jacket, even when it's warm. Being female is automatically vulnerable.

It's an interesting thought. I often feel that many of the issues raised as "women's issues" don't apply to me -- not that they aren't legitimate, but that, because of lucky circumstances, I've never faced gender discrimination in work or school, sexist family pressures, sexual harassment, things like that. I can understand them in theory, but not personally. But this, being worried about simple safety because I'm female? I get that.

My last entry made me think of this ... In high school, I had an aerobics instructor who was once a victim of kidnapping and attempted rape. She made it a point to talk to her (mostly female class) about women's self-defense every semester. I put up a would-be transcript in my old blog a few years ago, and figured it was worth doing it again. This is a condensed version, though it's still fairly hefty.

( Long-winded advice follows. )

Also, while looking through my archives to find this stuff, I ran across this emoticon. I think I got it from beanbandit, back in the day.

t('.'t)

Kirby says, "up yours." XD

This probably could have gone in the comments from this morning's entry, but this article makes me so happy I had to share: Because it isn't the victim's responsibility not to be raped. And because men are not their cocks.

A very good (and hilarious) article that says some very important things that shouldn't *have* to be said. It's sad how, even though I know these things to be true, and I know them to be true about the men in my life, whom I respect and love ... it still feels like a vindication to see someone say them.

And if I had to pick one thing that was the most important?

"Not being a rapist is the default fucking setting."

Also see the follow-up post, which confronts the idea that women 'tempt' or 'attract' rape through certain behavior or dress. The answer is that women can't not be 'tempting,' because "women, simply by being women, are on display at all times." This is exactly the idea I was talking about in my entry this morning. I don't think I dress or behave in a way that welcomes sexual assault, and I certainly don't try to. But by virtue of being female, I am vulnerable to assault. And the point of the article is to remind us of this, and to say that it's not right.

Anyway, it's good stuff. Go read. And I need to go to freaking sleep.