sigelphoenix

A couple of people know that I've been having a very difficult time with work lately. I think ratzeo is the only person who knows all the details about all of the issues (by virtue of living with me and getting to hear me vent and/or decompress every time something happens - lucky him). In brief, a combination of the rigors of my new position, crises within my job as well as throughout the university, and my continued bumpy transition from student-hood to "adult" life, have left me struggling.

It's not a big deal, any moreso than what other people experience in any of those circumstances. But you know what they say about your own problems being bigger because they're your own, etc. etc. Anyway, suffice it to say, I've been dealing with some stress, frustration, and discouragement, as well as trying to reconcile the things that have been causing them.

Today I found out that a colleague has been diagnosed with cancer. I've known her for years, but since we work in different departments I don't know her very closely; still, I know her well enough to know how much of a loss it would be if she doesn't recover.

And sadly, it seems like I needed something this much bigger than me to give me some perspective. I thought I was dealing with my difficulties well enough, but in light of this news I can feel how much I've been granting them undue magnitude. I can treat my problems seriously and give them due consideration without treating them as all-consuming, as you should treat things like - well, not quite life-threatening illness, I don't think I've been that bad - but things that are bigger than what I'm dealing with.

I've been giving my job the central position in my life, and thus devoting the bulk of my mental energy to it, and also letting the stress from it determine the bulk of my mood. And I've known this, and been working on it, but in light of today's news I realize in no uncertain terms that I should change it now.

Something to think about. I don't know quite how to meet this new goal yet. I do know that if I can let my work problems leak over into the rest of my life (which has a real effect, even if it's "just" mental), I can do the reverse with the happy parts of my life. Let them leak everywhere.

I want to say more, but my lunch break is over and I should get back to that work I just mentioned (with a more positive mindset).