sigelphoenix (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sigelphoenix) wrote2009-04-03 12:22 pm
sigelphoenix) wrote2009-04-03 12:22 pm
Entry tags:
Rewriting the sex question meme
Many people have pointed out that the sex question meme is in serious need of revision, so let's try revising it. I was going to be ambitious and do it all myself (HUBRIS, I HAZ IT), but then I realized it would be both better and more fun if it were a group effort.
By way of explanation, here are some of the problems that were raised about the meme:
- Heterocentric questions ("we know everyone is straight so have you done anything REALLY WEIRD like kiss someone of the same sex 'cause that's WEIRD").
- The questions just aren't that interesting, because they ask "have you done _____" instead of "why do you like _____" or "what's the best way you've found to _____."
- The preponderence of "have you done _____" questions give off a "tee hee, sex is so naughty and you're naughty if you like it!" vibe.
For reference, the old version:
1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate?
5. How often? Lately?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
9. Do you watch/read pornography?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. Would you choose love or money?
14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
24. What's your sexuality?
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you own any sex toys?
31. If yes, how many and what are they?
32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
34. Have you ever had phonesex?
35. Have you ever had cybersex?
36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
37. What's your favorite sexual position?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
And now, the new version! This is totally a work in progress.
How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions.
Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual acquaintances, or only trusted friends? What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?
1. How would you describe your sexual identity? Has it changed over time? You may find it helpful to refer to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
Have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Of a different sex than your own?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?
5. How often? Lately?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath? What worked or didn't?
9. Do you watch/read pornography? If so, do you prefer watching or reading?
What do you like best about pornography? What do you dislike the most?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. What are your criteria for a sexual partner?
14. What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, kinks, or toys during sex with partners?
Same question, but during sex by yourself?
What is your favorite body part to lavish attention on, on a partner? Why?
What is your favorite body part of your own to have attention lavished upon? Why?
15. How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?
16. Does location affect how much you enjoy sex? What is your favorite location to have sex?
17. Where is the most unconventional place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
20. Do you enjoy sex outside of established relationships? What about it is/is not appealing to you? If yes, where do you find your partners?
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? (moved)
24. What's your sexuality? (moved)
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you enjoy sex toys? If yes, what toys do you have?
31. If yes, how many and what are they?
32. Have you ever been photographed or videotaped in a sexual situation? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
33. Do you prefer to fantasize during sex, or do you prefer to focus your attention on what's going on in the moment?
34. Have you ever had phonesex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
35. Have you ever had cybersex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
37. What's your favorite sexual position?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Share your favorite embarrassing sex story about yourself.
What is something you'd like to try but haven't gotten to yet? A sexual position, a kink, a sex toy? What intrigues you about it?
If you could bend the laws of reality, what currently impossible sex act would you like to try?
Have at it! Let me know what else you'd like to add, delete, and change.
By way of explanation, here are some of the problems that were raised about the meme:
- Heterocentric questions ("we know everyone is straight so have you done anything REALLY WEIRD like kiss someone of the same sex 'cause that's WEIRD").
- The questions just aren't that interesting, because they ask "have you done _____" instead of "why do you like _____" or "what's the best way you've found to _____."
- The preponderence of "have you done _____" questions give off a "tee hee, sex is so naughty and you're naughty if you like it!" vibe.
For reference, the old version:
1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate?
5. How often? Lately?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
9. Do you watch/read pornography?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. Would you choose love or money?
14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
24. What's your sexuality?
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you own any sex toys?
31. If yes, how many and what are they?
32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
34. Have you ever had phonesex?
35. Have you ever had cybersex?
36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
37. What's your favorite sexual position?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
And now, the new version! This is totally a work in progress.
How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions.
Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual acquaintances, or only trusted friends? What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?
1. How would you describe your sexual identity? Has it changed over time? You may find it helpful to refer to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
Have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Of a different sex than your own?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath? What worked or didn't?
9. Do you watch/read pornography? If so, do you prefer watching or reading?
What do you like best about pornography? What do you dislike the most?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. What are your criteria for a sexual partner?
14. What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, kinks, or toys during sex with partners?
Same question, but during sex by yourself?
What is your favorite body part to lavish attention on, on a partner? Why?
What is your favorite body part of your own to have attention lavished upon? Why?
15. How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?
16. Does location affect how much you enjoy sex? What is your favorite location to have sex?
17. Where is the most unconventional place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
20. Do you enjoy sex outside of established relationships? What about it is/is not appealing to you? If yes, where do you find your partners?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you enjoy sex toys? If yes, what toys do you have?
32. Have you ever been photographed or videotaped in a sexual situation? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
33. Do you prefer to fantasize during sex, or do you prefer to focus your attention on what's going on in the moment?
34. Have you ever had phonesex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
35. Have you ever had cybersex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
Share your favorite embarrassing sex story about yourself.
What is something you'd like to try but haven't gotten to yet? A sexual position, a kink, a sex toy? What intrigues you about it?
If you could bend the laws of reality, what currently impossible sex act would you like to try?
Have at it! Let me know what else you'd like to add, delete, and change.
no subject
potentially added on a "is there something you have not gotten to try/what is it/what excites you about it?", which is not already on the test but well. I'd be interested in reading/talking about it ^^;
no subject
12: um, perhaps a re-word to "Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual aquaintances/trusted friends only and why", although I am not sure it's really a...neccessary question, given that you can get an idea from whether or not somebody fills the meme out in the first place. At very least, maybe bump this one up on the list some?
no subject
How about combining #14, 37, and 38 into "What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, or kinks?" I think that helps clarify that "kink" is not some deviant "other." Also that helps for the way that #37 and 38 made some people draw blanks.
I like your revision of #12, and that makes a lot more sense than the original. How about "What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?" Y/N?
no subject
Possibly moving that question up towards the top would be good, too, in that "this information is important to be established before actually asking you to answer anything" sort of way.
Likewise the question about which gender of people you have sex with still reads as awkward to me, especially that low in the list. Since it-- I don't know. It's hard to explain. We DO already ask "what is your orientation", but I know that is not the same as "what gender of people have you slept with" since I saw quite a few bi-but-only-men-so-far or vise-versa or whatever, in people's answers.
But there's just something...about having a bunch of "have you had sex like this, or like this, what do you think about this" and THEN having "oh by the way has it been with someone of the opposite gender", even with having "or of the same gender" added on after, that...feels awkward to me.
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Maybe a question about impossible things you wish you could try? Not impossible like "Oh tee hee I would never do *that*!" Something closer to actually impossible, like sex in zero gravity or cloning yourself for sexy times. A sex life with an infinite special effects budget!
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