Rewriting the sex question meme

[sigelphoenix]

Many people have pointed out that the sex question meme is in serious need of revision, so let's try revising it. I was going to be ambitious and do it all myself (HUBRIS, I HAZ IT), but then I realized it would be both better and more fun if it were a group effort.

By way of explanation, here are some of the problems that were raised about the meme:

- Heterocentric questions ("we know everyone is straight so have you done anything REALLY WEIRD like kiss someone of the same sex 'cause that's WEIRD").
- The questions just aren't that interesting, because they ask "have you done _____" instead of "why do you like _____" or "what's the best way you've found to _____."
- The preponderence of "have you done _____" questions give off a "tee hee, sex is so naughty and you're naughty if you like it!" vibe.

For reference, the old version:
1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate?
5. How often? Lately?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
9. Do you watch/read pornography?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. Would you choose love or money?
14. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
15. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
16. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
17. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club?
20. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
24. What's your sexuality?
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you own any sex toys?
31. If yes, how many and what are they?
32. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
33. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
34. Have you ever had phonesex?
35. Have you ever had cybersex?
36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
37. What's your favorite sexual position?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?

And now, the new version! This is totally a work in progress.
How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions.
Are you comfortable talking about sex with casual acquaintances, or only trusted friends? What makes you comfortable enough to talk about your sex life?
1. How would you describe your sexual identity? Has it changed over time? You may find it helpful to refer to the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid.
Have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex? Of a different sex than your own?
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
4. Do you masturbate? Why or why not?
5. How often? Lately?
6. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
7. Do you prefer showers or baths?
8. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath? What worked or didn't?
9. Do you watch/read pornography? If so, do you prefer watching or reading?
What do you like best about pornography? What do you dislike the most?
10. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
11. Do you love someone on your friends list?
12. Do you know all the people on your friends list?
13. What are your criteria for a sexual partner?
14. What are three of your favorite sexual acts, positions, kinks, or toys during sex with partners?
Same question, but during sex by yourself?
What is your favorite body part to lavish attention on, on a partner? Why?
What is your favorite body part of your own to have attention lavished upon? Why?
15. How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?
16. Does location affect how much you enjoy sex? What is your favorite location to have sex?
17. Where is the most unconventional place you have had sex?
18. Have you ever been caught having sex?
19. Have you ever been to a strip club? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
20. Do you enjoy sex outside of established relationships? What about it is/is not appealing to you? If yes, where do you find your partners?
21. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
22. Ever been picked up in a bar?
23. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? (moved)
24. What's your sexuality? (moved)
25. Had sex in a movie theater?
26. Had sex in a bathroom?
27. Have you ever had sex at work?
28. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
29. Bought something from an adult store?
30. Do you enjoy sex toys? If yes, what toys do you have?
31. If yes, how many and what are they?
32. Have you ever been photographed or videotaped in a sexual situation? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
33. Do you prefer to fantasize during sex, or do you prefer to focus your attention on what's going on in the moment?
34. Have you ever had phonesex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
35. Have you ever had cybersex? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
36. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
37. What's your favorite sexual position?
38. What's your favorite sex act?
39. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time? If yes, why do/don't you like it? If no, why do/don't you want to try it?
40. Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Share your favorite embarrassing sex story about yourself.
What is something you'd like to try but haven't gotten to yet? A sexual position, a kink, a sex toy? What intrigues you about it?
If you could bend the laws of reality, what currently impossible sex act would you like to try?

Have at it! Let me know what else you'd like to add, delete, and change.

Comments

[sigelphoenix.insanejournal.com]

Hello!

Yes, good point - what do you think about a question (possibly the first question in the meme) along the lines of, "How do you define the act of sex for yourself? Use this definition to answer the following questions."

Hm, yes, and I think that even if someone is comfortable filling out this meme, they may not want to divulge that information. How about a question like, "How do you establish boundaries of trust/comfort/respect regarding sex?"

Right, I think 17 is intended as a place to share amusing stories about having sex in unexpected places. But, what is considered unexpected? Maybe, "What's your favorite place where you've had sex that people usually don't associate with sex?" But without the awkward phrasing.

[laylah.insanejournal.com]

I think that makes a really good starting point! And it would allow us to get rid of #36, which I'd be in favor of. ^^

[ratzeo.insanejournal.com]

Speaking of questions to get rid of, I think number thirteen deserves to get the axe. It sounds too much like we're using Hollywood movies to define reality.

Also, I approve of that icon.

[mahokiwi.insanejournal.com]

Pretty much! I don't really even know how that question relates to sex

--unless what they're trying to say is "would you have sex with someone for money, or do you only sleep with people you love" Which. Is. A bad question. On many levels. I feel.

[ratzeo.insanejournal.com]

I actually hadn't thought about it in that way, which is strange, because that seems like the more likely interpretation.

...I'm not sure which I would prefer. How about neither! I'm going with neither.

[mahokiwi.insanejournal.com]

honestly phrased that way it makes me think of this terrible joke I once heard that was like "the other day, while trying to have sex with my girlfriend, she asked if I had any protection so I told her that my mother said babies come from two people who love each other, so we should be okay."

Which. Is terrible. BUT IT UNDERSCORES THE ONLY-PEOPLE-YOU-LOVE problem.

[sigelphoenix.insanejournal.com]

Get rid of it, or try rephrasing to "What are your criteria for a sexual partner?" On the one hand, I think that's an interesting question. On the other hand, I don't want anyone to feel shamed if "love" isn't part of the answer.

[mahokiwi.insanejournal.com]

The rephrase sounds good to me o/

[laylah.insanejournal.com]

Yes. 13 needs to go. ^^

...you like 'em blond and muscular, don't you? ♥

[ratzeo.insanejournal.com]

I like 'em dapper. If I had my pick of blond Square boys, I'd probably see if Luxord was interested. But way those two are set up in that icon?

Yeah. Got my attention.

[mahokiwi.insanejournal.com]

How do you feel about over-worked but well-meaning detectives?

[ratzeo.insanejournal.com]

If they are scruffy in a slightly underfed way, when I probably have an inexplicable soft spot for them. Having my eye caught by scruffy, underfed men makes living in Seattle sort of distracting, but it also makes self-lovin' easier.

[mahokiwi.insanejournal.com]

Hmmmm, I don't think Dojima is terribly underfed...
I mean, he might be kinda, just because he never seems to make it home in time for dinner (or, at all, sometimes) and probably has way too many coffee-and-fast-food meals.

But yes, I can see how that might both help and hurt you, around here ;D

lunapome

[(Anonymous)]

Do you think you could use the word unconventional? What is the most unconventional place you have had sex or would like to have sex? I'm not sure if that really works...

Re: lunapome

[sigelphoenix.insanejournal.com]

Yeah, it's hard to come up with a concise phrasing that gets the point across, but doesn't leave the door wide open to "if you do this, you're deviant and weird" shaming.

I'll stick that in for now (stick it in, hurr hurr) and see if we come up with something else later.

Re: lunapome

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I don't want to any one to feel needlessly deviant but I don't want to get rid of the 'fun' of this question either. I mean I've got some hilarious stories that I could share and would like to be able to do that.

Re: lunapome

[sigelphoenix.insanejournal.com]

Yes! I'll keep the "unconventional place" question, and add one at the end for embarrassing stories.